The rain is battering my window pane.
The heating’s up to full and all I have to look forward to.
After a soul-sapping delayed two-hour Dart trip home is… Harry Redknapp’s further adventures in the Aussie jungle.
Get ME out of here! And Get Me Out To HERE.
Off the coast of Florida, where any self-respecting celebrity will spend at least some of their winter.
So why not me, or you, we’re surely just as deserving, if not more so?
And more specifically I’m in the Eden lounge, Celebrity’s homage to Creation… Appletini, naturally, in hand.
Characters known as Edenists, dressed as the Earth Queen and her enchanted attendants interact with the guests over dinner.
To the food and the drink.
Temptation around every corner
Anyone who’s ever been on a cruise or heard about them will be familiar with the idea of cruise food stations at every turn.
And human nature being what it is it’s difficult to walk on by when temptation is put on your way.
The dining options fall into three categories, main, speciality and suite and aqua class.
I ate across the main and speciality classes (more our price range as a tourist) Cosmopolitan, Le Grand Bistro and Fine Cut Steakhouse.
Where you are served up the finest cuts of meat.
You want some sweet stuff..? I always try to leave just enough for a fruity dessert.
I have my Daiquiri with new-found friends in the sparkling Martini bar in the Grand Plaza.
Under a gleaming chandelier and now don’t ever want to settle for cramped wine bar at home again.
Nor is it a case of style over substance as the ravioli was every bit as enjoyable as the show.
Breakfast in America – and I still consider this an American adventure as we set sail from Fort Lauderdale, Florida – is always a guilty pleasure.
Enough food already? Let’s take a tour of the ship and work off some calories.
You can always climb the stairs, I was on the eighth floor so that’s six floors up to the top.
One of the great delights of cruising is wandering around the ship at your own pace.
Where rehearsals are taking place for that night’s entertainment.
But inevitably what cruising is all about is being at sea, and the top decks are where we’ll always end up.
Or maybe I can try that
As classic and classy as Edge is, Celebrity hasn’t spent a billion on its first new ship in four years without some cracking bells and whistles.
Infinite Veranda, you ask?
Well, you get 23% more space on account of the sliding interior door and electronically operated window.
They’re celebrities… get me back out to here.
AND THE GODMOTHER OF ALL GODMOTHERS
Every good ship gets a Godmother…. it’s tradition.
But Celebrity’s choice was innovative… Nobel Peace Prize winner Malala Yousafzal.
Celebrity is backing the Malala Fund which champions global efforts to educate girls.
Malala came to our attention when the Taliban shot her for advocating girls’ education.
I know I wasn’t the only dad to a 20-year-old girl among the 3,000 guests to shed a tear at the launch.
EDEN: Channeling nature as a relaxation, dining and entertainment experience.
MARTINI BAR: Seven-tonne chandelier, composed of five levels of 765 blades.
INFINITE VERANDA: Merge inside and out with sliding doors and 23% larger.
RESORT DECK: 37% larger than Solstice class. Garden, jogging track, solarium.
So get cruising
Celebrity Edge Western Caribbean fly/cruise departing 14 April from €3316pps in an Oceanview stateroom including flights from Dublin
Or Interior stateroom from €2869pp, balcony stateroom from €3769pp, concierge class from €4149pp, Aqua Class from €4719pp, Suite from €6416pp, Edge Villa from €27016 for villa (not per person) excluding flights.
The eight-night holiday includes return flights from Heathrow, one night’s pre-cruise stay: transfers, free classic drinks package, a seven-night cruise dep. Fort Lauderdale (Flordia). Call at Key West (Floriday), George Town (Caymans), Cozumel and Costa Maya before returning to Fort Lauderdale for flight home.
Meals and entertainment on board the ship and all relevant cruise taxes/fees.
For more information or to book call (0800) 441 4054. Visit http://www.celebritycruises.co.uk
This article was first published in the Irish Daily Mail in December 2018