You’ve heard ski-are stories of little snow in the Alps (don’t believe it all) but if you want to look further afield there is winter fjun in the fjords to be fjhad.
It is in fact the Norwegian fjords which drew the first British tourists largely on the back of the landscape paintings of JC Dahl.
And we are signed-up converts after being introduced to his artwork alongside an exhibition of Munch’s life.
So for that reason, not that we need one, we’re focusing on the coast of Norge.
And exploring a Norwegian town we’re still to enjoy, the adventure hub of Stavanger.
Just two hours from Norway’s fourth largest city you’ll reach winter wonderland Sirdal .
Cross country natural
Dive in: Winter thrill-seekers
Around 200 kilometres of prepped cross-country pistes for all different levels are scattered all over Sirdal, suitable for both long and short ski expeditions.
Better still trek like a Norwegian.
And load your backpack with oranges and Kvikklunsj chocolate (similar to KitKat) and go cross-country skiing.
And seeing that I missed out on the opportunity to join my party for cross-country skiing this time last year in Val D’Isere sign me up.
Snow business
The real Dahl: How JC saw it
As a national cross-country winner it must be easy to cross over!
There are four ski centres from north to south in the Sirdal valley.
So just in case you prefer slalom or snowboarding…
You worried your Alpine holiday will turn to slush (we reckon the snow machines will save the day) then why not try the US, the Land of the Ski?
This time last year we were digging out our ski gear and readying ourselves for our Covid-delayed ski trip to Val D’Isere.
Eyes on the prize: Val D’Isere
So we have our fingers crossed for all those who want to get on the slopes around Europe this winter.
While knowing too from our tour of Soll in Austria how much work goes into legislating for a lack of snow with the major operations that are the snow-making projects.
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow: Lake Tahoe
The best snow is, of course, that which falls from the skies and as we’ve been seeing over these weeks there is plenty of that.
The ski resorts around Lake Tahoe have brought another two feet of fresh powder.
Holidaymakers can get return flights from London to San Francisco from just £351 with Virgin Atlantic.
So why not kickstart 2023 with a magical getaway in the snow-capped mountains of Tahoe?
And here’s what lies in store
Heaven sent
Slip slidin’ away: At Heavenly Resort
Heavenly Mountain Resort: In South Lake Tahoe, Heavenly Mountain Resort is increasing uphill capacity at its North Bowl lift by 40 per cent.
The Vail Resorts operated mountain will replace its three-person lift with a new high-speed, four-person chair.
The North Bowl upgrade will reduce rider time on the Boulder lift, along with an expected reduction in wait times at the Stagecoach and Olympic lifts, according to resort officials.
New Year Desolation
Live it up: At the Desolation Hotel
The Desolation Hotel: The latest addition to the destination, the sustainability-centric Desolation Hotel, will welcome its first guests on 30th July.
The name refers to the Desolation Wilderness to the east.
Maggie’s, the third-floor restaurant, is named for Maggie’s Peak, actually two peaks within the Desolation Wilderness.
The pool bar (located next to the saltwater pool and 14-person spa) is Velma’s, for a lake also within that wilderness area.
The all-new, 21-unit hotel stands on the site of the former Tahoe Villa and the few trees that were removed can be seen in the structural supports.
Ten of the units are three-story townhouses with a private garage, EV charging capabilities, washing machine and dryer, and Japanese-style soaking tub on the third-floor balcony.
All of which points to America for your winter sports break… after all, it is the Land of the Ski.
Super Mario is propping Asterix up, and that’s Ali G (innit?), and he’s jollying Spongebob Ski Pants, Sully and Bungle along. Suddenly I ski in Val D’Isere.
Mais oui, ápres days are here again.
If it all feels a little surreal then it’s just because that’s how Val D’Isere’s party people roll.
And they have been waiting two long years to dance again on the ceiling, in the world’s highest cabaret, La Folie Douce.
Dancing on the ceiling
Party time: Apres ski
The season is drawing to a close in the French Alps when we visit in the spring.
But from the scenes at the 2400m high entertainment complex it looks like they have only just begun.
Super Mario certainly has as he whoops up the excitement among his pals.
Spongeboob Skipants, to be fair, needs the Ali gee-up.
Looking at his wobbly legs I’m surprised that he managed the ski down at all. It beat me!
But then I know my levels and rode the gondola.
Blue for you
Pole star: Jimmy on the slopes
My colour of choice on the slopes this week is a challenging blue run, equivalent to a red at most other resorts.
And my shade of vin a grande glass of blanc at lunch and a couple of orange Aperol Spritzes.
All to soak up the ink squid risotto and tiramisu at our Italian-themed al fresco restaurant La Cucùcina.
It wouldn’t do to topple over on my brick ski boots when boogying to the burlesque troupe on the balcony.
And I want to hold something back because I’ve got a feelin’ that tonight’s gonna be a good, good night.
Chalet La France
I might be needed too to help out with the cooking back at the new skiing style of accommodation, our Ski France Contactless Catered Chalet.
Born out of the appetite for social distancing during Covid the tour providers prep breakfast and your food for you.
To cook when you get back from the slopes.
Just Gîtes, if you will.
Davos summit
Lounging: In the lap of luxury
I let my party at Chalet Davos decide among themselves the rota for who gets to use the jacuzzi and sauna (moi) and who sets le dîner.
And there’s my social media to update (yes, keeping up with the kids) and excellent wifi like this isn’t always a given in the mountains.
Val D’Isere village is more relaxed and less rowdy than some resorts and, in truth, it doesn’t really liven up until later into the evening.
And that gives you plenty of time for a long, lazy dinner and slouch on the sofa in the lounge… or even take in a film in your own private cinema.
If you can drag yourself out then there are delicious dining and drinking options.
And your Contactless Chalet package factors in that you’ll want a night out on the town on one of your evenings.
Say fromage
Ski buddies: With my pal Murphski
We dined at the intimate Restaurant 1789 where the specialty is the fromage fondue.
And a little local knowledge here… don’t sit between the table and the wall because you’ll never get out after a trayful of that.
But now you can lift your legs again you’ll want to bust your moves where we’re on the same level, the La Baraque dance floor.
Back to school
Way to go Jo: And ski school
Maybe even pop the champagne (you are in France after all) so go ahead, eat, drink and be merry because tomorrow you ski.. it off.
Now if you’ve been off the slopes for a couple of years because of Covid, or longer in my case since Soll with The Scary One.
Then you can always get a refresher course or enrol in a school.
And trust me, my personal instructor Jo helped me save face, and my face, by ensuring I stayed on my feet over two days on Val D’Isere’s slopes.
In fact, and no one was more surprised than me, I was never on my back once.
At least not on the snow, with Val D’Isere specialising in the sort of wacky New Age fashion you might have seen on reality TV, ice floating.
Take a dip
Ice one: The ice dip
And so we were all marched right up to don Teletubby thermal suits before climbing into an ice pool.
Now bobbing in a fatsuit in a bracing hole in the snow with your new ski party is an ice breaker all right.
Although remember you’ve probably got another couple of days on the slopes or La Folie Douce to live down the new nickname you’ve earned yourself.
As ‘The Seal’ for your kack-handed efforts at getting out.
Winter sports fans looking to extend themselves might like to try out tobogganing (I still have the scars from other slopes) or moonbiking.
The last word
Window to the world: From your bedroom
While my tour providers snuck in cross-country skiing and shooting for the morning.
I was leaving on my three-hour minibus lift for my air transfer from Geneva to Edinburgh.
Jo had obviously told them that she’d seen my ski stick work and I couldn’t be trusted with firearms.
Or indeed looking after anything in my possession, and she ensured that the sticks always followed the rest of me onto the gondola.
It wouldn’t do, you see, if a real skier was zig-zagging expertly down the mountain only to be clunked by a descending pole.
For us amateur skiers it’s all we can do to keep it together.
Mona pizza: High up in the Alps
The helmet, hat, goggles, mask (for Covid then when not on the slopes but thankfully not now) and gloves.
Then there are the others who can somehow descend a mountain in a Super Mario or Ali G suit.
I console myself that I am still in one piece after two days skiing in Val D’Isere and I didn’t bungle it.
I unbuckle my boots, ready to boogie. I hear the music beckoning me on one last time.. it’s KT Tunstall.
Suddenly I ski.
Factbox
Dine on the slopes: Val D’Isere
Chalet Davos
At Christmas : £12,219 for 8 people, including the chalet, contactless catered meals and concierge service
And mid-March (18/3) : £9,298 for 8 people.
Chalet Inuit
Mid December (11/12) : £12,999 for 10 people, including the chalet, contactless catered meals and concierge service
And at Easter : £18,998 10.
Jim flew Jet2 and EasyJet Edinburgh to Geneva round-trip.
And now tour operators around the world have their versions too with Pierre & Vacances leading the way in WFH vacances.
P&V specialise in self-catering accommodation across the Alps, with reliable WiFi.
And there’s a discount too on mobile WiFi, so even logging in from the chairlift is a possibility.
Deal us in
Lap it up: Work from home
So what’s the deal?
P&V are promising up to 30% off bookings, free WiFi and a special discount of 50% on Gobox (€62 a month instead of €124).
FamilEat is P&V’s 10% discount on a range of healthy, nutritional, seasonal dishes delivered direct to your apartment door.
And having dipped my ski boot in the snow, if you will, with home deliveries in Val D’Isere earlier this year I’d recommend this Just Gîtes way of holidaying.
Lodge bravo
Home in in this: And a working lunch
So without further adieu here’s where you could be working… magnifique France.
In 33 chapters, it takes you through the areas of town history, winter sports and Alfongs Walde.
And from now on, English is also available to our visitors in addition to German.
All you need is a smartphone and the Hearonymus app, which can be downloaded free of charge from the App Store and Google Play Store.
Whether the Topdeck passengers of circa 1985 and 1986 make it into the annals (more likely anals) of Kitzbuhel, or its neighbour, Kirchberg history is another matter.
Centred around the festivity in the party chalet was a beer game.
It involved a glass boot filled with best Austrian beer.
Among the rules was to keep the toe centred, pass in the correct direction.
And, of course, not to regurgitate when you turn the heel and hit the bubble.
Of course just to keep you lubricated between shots was the Hexengeist schnapps which you set fire to to before downing.
Schnapps to it
Name on the frame: Schnapps in Ehrwald
A strong chocolatey taste from what I can remember it was known among our circles as an F*** because that’s what you do when you drink it.
Search for ”Museum Kitzbühel” in the app and the voices of Wido Sieberer, museum director, Michael Berger-Walde, actor and grandson of Alfongs Walde, Melanie Preston and Nevena Lukic will accompany you.
Through all the exhibition areas and onto the spectacular roof terrace.
Visitors simply listen to the background, stories and anecdotes via the smartphone speakers or the headphones they have brought along.
The Museum Kitzbühel
For Arts’ sake: The museum
The museum is situated in the Hinterstadt of Kitzbühel and it was first mentioned by name in the 16th century.
Only the southwest tower dates from the time of the town’s founding around 1271.
Now, of course, when you’re in Kitzbuhel and Kirchberg you need to take part in the outdoorsy activities too.
We did, even though it was the autumn and we were moving on from the Oktoberfest.
Slip slidin’ away
Heart and Soll: With The Scary One in Soll
And that meant the tobogganing which, of course, I took an alternative way of negotiating…
On my back, sans my board…
And, yes, once the beer and schnapps and whisky wore off, it hurt like hell.
Particularly writhing around the bunk bend of the booze bus which also accommodated a kitchen downstairs.
I have, of course, been back since those days of Aussie beer games and Tirol.
With the Scary One skiing and sliding in Soll in the wintertime.
Aprés days are here again, back in Val d’Isere again, Aperol and Cabaret again, aprés days are here again.
We’re swaying with a gallery of foam fun characters on the dance floor of the world’s highest cabaret, La Folie Douce.
You got the bottle: La Folie Douce
All in ski boots and some on the tables.
Where not half an hour ago our Ski France party had been feasting on ink black squid, lobster and Prosecco.
Uncorked
The cork is truly out of the bottle with Covid restrictions lifted in France and aprés rules now taking precedence.
And in La Folie Douce that means throwing some shapes with giant bananas and oversized babies.
All of whom have skied to the biggest aprés party on the exclusive French resort.
Well most, with those of us who are just reacquainting themselves with the slopes after six years away, taking the gondola.
Life is a Cabaret
Dancing on the world ceiling: And in ski boots
We’re bouncing to the house beat of the top-hatted MC, the burlesque dancers and a hip-hop Cardinal Richelieu belting out Rhythm Is A Dancer (don’t ask).
Just reward after negotiating the tour of the complex, up and down and through corridors in ski boots.
All to rightly glamour at the choice of restaurant experiences, the Classical Roman sculptures and the panoramic views.
We have after all just met the challenge of that Italian-themed feast at the open-deck La Cucucina (Crazy Kitchen).
Where waiters in smocks serve up the best fare.
Grazie mille
Mona pizza: La Cucucina
And perché Italiano? Why, because Italy is just over the top of the Alps to the left.
For some though (and not guilty here) just getting back to base camp will be a task enough.
No, not our party of black run skiers, but some of our foam-costumed friends, one of whom is stopped at the pass.
By our pocket rocket host Jerrine (doubly blessed with Irish and Scottish blood) who tells him he cannot take his bottle of rosé down on the gondola.
Jerrine is un force de la nature, herding packs of overlubricated boys and girl parties away from the slopes for their own safety.
And down the gondolas.
Sway to go
Gods and men: Neptune and Bandanaman
I bodyswerve one at the foot, a snowboarder who has perfected the act of falling while staying upright.
