As they tear into the seven, count them, meals a hobbit eats.
Which is breakfast, second breakfast, elevenses, luncheon, afternoon tea, dinner, and supper.
Fondue memories
Gee Swiss: Picturesque Verbier
Our furry-footed fréres, well used to climbing the Misty Mountains, visit the snowy peaks of the 3,300m Mont Fort on their adventure.
But their alter egos coif champagne fondue at the Igloo, Europe’s highest fondue restaurant, rather than the hobbits’ favourite ale.
They also roll up their sleeves to bake bread at the Four Banal in Vollege.
While becoming part of the Brotherhood of Bread (see what the programme-makers are doing there).
The great adventure: For Merry and Pippin
With a time-honoured flour ceremony.
Something’s always brewing though when there are hobbits around.
And Merry and Pippin dig out and artisan brewery Amicale des Brasseurs de Vollèges.
All to wash down their flipping good crêpes at Verbier Milk Bar.
Cheese crackers
Drip of a lifetime: Raclette
Now we all know the hobbits love their rustic food.
And there has been much debate among fans of Middle-Earth about their favourite cheese, with Red Leicester much favoured.
But we can just see the playful hobbits getting hours of fun out of Raclette AOP du Valais dripping down their chins.
Our dynamic duo spend time with big cheese Marc Dubosson crafting Bagnes cheese at Laterie de Verbier.
And they meet Roboclette, the first machine in the world capable of scraping melted cheese, part robot part raclette maestro.
The pair stay overnight at 100-year-old Cabane Mont Fort, perched high above Verbier at 2,457m.
All of which culinary exertions is a gear-change for our usually lazy hobbits.
Having a ball
Dressed to thrill: Our intrepid duo
And the programme makers get their value out of Merry and Pippin by asking them to try their hand at cooking Swiss Rosti and preparing croissants at 4am.
In a departure from the food theme, the pair also cosied up to skiers in gondolas and cable cars to reach the top of the mountain, climaxing with a snowball contest.
The 50-minute episode is one of an eight-part series featuring destinations such as Costa Rica, Japan, Manchester, California, and Texas.
A glowing Dominic waxed lyrical about his adventure: “Such a fantastic experience to be chilly outside and be able to eat melted cheese and drink hot chocolate.”
While buddy Billy added: “We wanted this show to be a way to get to see a country and its people through food. Switzerland did not disappoint, such a beautiful country, amazing food and wonderful people. Thank you for your wonderful hospitality”
The production was secured by our old pals Heaven Publicity, the promotional agency for Verbier Tourisme in the UK.
And produced by Dash Pictures, an Emmy award-nominated TV production agency with a global distribution network.
The tired gag was ‘One letter and six months’ for Europe’s outliers, but who’s had the last laugh now with Iceland & Ireland the world’s most peaceful countries.
My head’s busting today (and not because I joined the house girlie party) but I won’t give in to Eurovision‘s dark tourism around this year’s contest in Malmo in Sweden.
In what was meant to be a celebration of 50 years since its greatest champions Abba won the competition with Waterloo.
The music fest has become more of a war than a channel of peace and unity.
The protests around the Israel entry and the original lyrics to their song, the subliminal messages in Driuid Ogham on the body of the Irish singer and the Dutch singer’s disqualification have all betrayed the spirit of the competition.
Winner takes it all: Abba back in 1974
Now not for one minute do I intend to descend into the politics of the Middle East.
Only to say it seems to me be only humane to take an even-handed empathy and sympathy for both sides.
But the bullying of the Israeli singer was wrong both on a personal level and because it ignores the country’s history in the competition.
Much of that harassing has come from an LGBTQ+ lobby who do not take into account that Dana International from Israel was Eurovision’s first trans winner in 1998.
Keep it neutral
Nailed it: Nemo
Thankfully then next year’s competition, a return to the scene of the first in 1956, will be more neutral.
Or you’d hope so as it is being held in non-aligned Switzerland.
And kudos to winner Nemo for not getting embroiled in the politics in their acceptance speech.
All of which is a slightly strong-handed introduction to all things Eurovision tourism related.
For it is a thing all right.
With Liverpool getting a £40m boost from holding the extravaganza on behalf of Ukraine last year.
Obvious really when you think that Eurovision is the biggest cultural event in the world.
With its three live broadcasts drawing 162 million viewers.
Big noise in the hood
There’s still a point: But lose the politics
It’s all eyes on your town and a marketing guru’s dream to provide a showpiece of what’s best in your hood.
It helps, of course, to be one of the world’s richest countries… think all those Swiss banks.
Iceland ran a subpar candidate in 2020 Netflix comedy Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga which was really rooted in reality.
Hosting the event could cause the country to go bankrupt.
A fear long held in Ireland, which holds the record for most competition wins along with Sweden on seven.
With its national broadcaster RTE said to have almost gone bankrupt hosting the event.
While in 2012 when Azerbaijan welcomed the contest in capital Baku, it was reported that the country spent upwards of €55 million hosting the event.
Not including the €92 million stadium they built for it.
Swede sounds of the tills
Keep it daft: No politics here
Some 100,000 visitors descended on Malmo this last week swelling its 350,000 population.
That including ticket buyers from 89 countries, fans without tickets, sponsors.
And the performers from 37 participating countries, each with around 20 crew members.
All of which had the hoteliers in the city rubbing their hands with glee.
With business hotel Clarion Malmö Live, sold out months before the event with rates from €167 up to €790 per night.
While boutique Malmo hotel MJ’s is just one to have gone all-out kitsch for Eurovision.
Its rooms sold out on the day Malmo was announced as host city last July.
While the few remaining “x-tra” small rooms (just over 100 sqft) came in at upwards of $300 a night.
Swiss timing
International appeal: Dana International
None of which should put us off what should be an annual celebration of the power of music.
To unite and the common values we share across Europe and Eurofriendly countries like Australia, and yes, Israel.
So let’s not be ambushed, and I won’t give in to Eurovision’s dark tourism.
And rather sing out loud for what a great continent we have and why we should promote all our great destinations.
Thank you 2022, old friends and new so now let’s party in 2023.
As is tradition at this time of year it’s fun to look back on what we all did over the past 365 days.
Of course even the most travelled of us will spend most of our time at home.
And we’re blessed to live by the sea near one of the great cities, Edinburgh, which is why we have been fortunate to receive visitors from around the world.
Swish Swiss
Put them on a podium: With Fran and Myriam
Auld Reekie’s winds and bends have long captivated the most imaginative which is why it’s oft-used for film locations.
And that’s part of the fun of it all as even those who thought they knew Edinburgh’s streets found themself taking detours around building works.
Before alighting on the charming Ondine on George IV Bridge, in between St Giles’ Cathedral and the Camera Obscura.
Royal watchers, of course, would become acquainted with the historic Royal Mile and St Giles Cathedral.
With Queen Elizabeth taking up residence there in September (but more of that later).
We rounded off the afternoon warming ourselves with Scottish drink in the institution that is the Greyfriars Bobby pub which like Bobby we always come back to.
As we will Switzerland, and had, earlier in the year when we tarried as long as we could in Zurich airport and the Montreaux Jazz Cafe Geneva which does exactly what it says on the tin.
Ski and easy in Val D’Isere
Way to go Jo: In Val D’Isere
There was dancing in ski boots on the slopes of Val D’Isere too as skiing got back on the slopes after Covid.
It’s safe to say that I’m more comfortable at the apres than the ski as I raved at La Folie Douce.
And fell on the magic carpet up to the slopes.
With the help of my new amis I managed to stay upright on the mountains.
But it was now and beckoning me on from my Envoy Hotel window.
As was a return to my old haunt, the Irish Black Rose pub and Faneuil Hall and Quincy Market.
And a trek on the tracks to other wonders of New England in arty Providence in Rhode Island and kooky Connecticut with its academia and culinary pizza and hamburger heritage.
More America
Don’t forget the Motor City: Detroit
I wasn’t finished with the Oo Es of Eh, and it hadn’t had it with me either, and while we weren’t dancing in the streets of Detroit we were singing its praises.
And for the fourth year running it’s the happiest place in the world, it’s a No1 Finnday Funday.
So what do we put Finland’s joy down to… all those icy dips and saunas?
Well, yes, according to the Finns themselves who credit their love of nature.
He’s started so he’ll Finnish
Roll in it: Finland
Heli Jimenez, of Business Finland, explained: ‘We appreciate the small things in our daily lives.
‘Such as sitting quietly on a bench and staring at the empty lake after a relaxing sauna session or taking a morning dip in the sea before starting the working day.’
If you now live in the frozen north of Britain, or Scotland as it’s sometimes called, then it’s a victory for chilly places.
Cry freedom
Happiest place on earth: Paula in Orlando
The UN World Happiness Report looks at perceived freedom, honesty, welfare, good health and generosity.
And a trust in their leaders which has been reciprocated over Covid with that ‘helping to protect lives and livelihoods during the pandemic.’
Now we’re all of us ambassadors for our countries when we live abroad.
And among my most treasured possessions is the Pleasure To Work With Award that hangs proudly on my wall.