As Italy votes for its most right-wing leader since Benito Mussolini we ask will Giorgia’s trains run on time?
Il Duce had a far more grandiose vision for Italy but his lasting legacy to the world was that he got the trains to run on time.
Although revisionist historians now reckon Mussolini propagandised a dispatch from American journalist George Seldes.
On the right track
Well, my train is on time: Mussolini
All of which he was adept at, basking in the glory of the Firenze-Bologna works, ‘the world’s longest double-track tunnel.’
Even though it was a previous government’s brainchild while he made a horlicks of the trains over the course of the war.
Now notwithstanding that the macho Italians don’t even have a female form for Il Duce the Italians have big hopes for their Fit Controller Giorgia Meloni.
Fare play
Just the ticket: Meloni
Roman Giorgia has an advantage on me here (well many) in that she knows the timetables out of the capital.
And she’s not likely to get stuck in a one-horse town 20 miles from the destination in the dead of night.
And her Italian is considerably better than mine.
Local knowledge
Time is right: The Rome timetable
Italy, and particularly in the countryside, works on local knowledge.
And it was my good luck to find an ex-pat on the train who calmed my panic by telling me of a 3am onward bus.
All of which involves a leap of faith as you sit on your suitcase in the clammy Lazio night.
Road to salvation
Mussolini’s legacy: In Bergamo
This being a God-fearing country the first, and best, point of reference is a prayer upstairs.
And when a wave of immigrant passengers emerged from around the corner I gave thanks to Dio omniponte.
Hat’s the way: On the Via Francigena
And the bus driver who got me to Viterbo, albeit at 4am.
There are some secrets you want to share particularly as we might be needing them soon, so I was intrigued by the signpost to Scotland’s Secret Bunker.
The bunker, amusingly, is located near St Andrews, the Home of Golf but they’re more interested here in nukes than niblicks.
Scotland’s Secret Underground Nuclear Centre, to give it its Sunday name, wasn’t advertised, naturally, back in the day.
But thankfully with the end of the Cold War (no, really) it is a tourist site.
Down on the farm
Get your tin helmet on: In the Bunker
The bunker stands a hundred feet down with the entrance hidden in an unsuspecting farmhouse.
RAF Troywood, which was built in 1953, covers 24,000sqft of Command Centre.
It incorporates the radar technology of that era, dormitory, plotting room and mess.
The visitor attraction is open from February 1 to November 30.
It’s £13.95 for adults, £9.95 for children and £12.95 for concessions with a 2.2 family rate coming in at £37.95.
The bunker was primed for 50 years before it was put in mothballs but has thankfully been spruced up for our amusement.
Czech out the Bunker
Behind the Mask: The Communist Tour
Going underground gives a perspective into another world and you don’t have to be a military historian to enjoy it.
Of course, it stands to reason that while we were hunkering down in preparation for them attacking us.
The Warsaw Pact were doing the same over on their side.
For the day that’s in it and because I fear The Scary One is leaving us with ‘heat-ups’ (her word for leftovers) tonight, let’s pile in on World Paella Day.
It’s a date on the calendar I should have marked in her diary alongside our anniversary which was three days ago but didn’t.
By inviting the cream of Irish Travel (I’m confined to barracks just now) out for a big paella.
Which is paella round-grain rice, bajoqueta and tavella (varieties of green beans), rabbit, chicken, sometimes duck, and the lima or butter bean garrofo, cooked in olive oil and chicken broth.
Mellow yellow
Man v Paella: And the paella always wins
With the yellow colour we know and love infused by saffron.
Paella, meaning frying pan in Spanish, has come to be the city and the country’s biggest food export.
But foodies will tell you that the dish derives from Valencia, while historians will point to the Moors from North Africa who introduced rice cultivation.
Paella is of course international now and the Valencians even host a World Paella Cup with the best chefs from around the world.
And thankfully without those ubiquitous ‘celebrity chefs’ we have all come to loathe.
Less Oliver: And more Paellaman
You know the ones who pimp their paellas like mock cockney Jamie Oliver who uses chorizo by Jamie Oliver or the rice, chicken, squid, chorizo and clam version by chef Gordon Ramsay.
OK, I don’t have anything against you putting in whatever the heck you like into the pan to make your paella because after all anything with rice in a paella, or pan, is eh, a paella.
It’s just Oliver’s fake chumminess and Ramsay’s fake fecking puts me off my food.
Although writer Ana Vega ‘Biscayenne’, citing historical references, showed that traditional Valencian paella did indeed include chorizo.
And he exclaimed: ‘Ah Jamie, we’ll have to invite you to the Fallas.’
Paella on the pounds
No need for plates… just dig in
And what we all want to know in these straitened times is can it feed the masses?
Well Valencia restaurateur Juan Galbis claims to have made the world’s largest paella with help from a team of workers on 2 October 2001.
He claims to have fed about 110,000 people and this is even larger than his earlier world-record paella on 8 March 1992, which fed about 100,000 people.
Galbis’ record-breaking 1992 paella is listed in Guinness World Records.
So pile in on World Paella Day, there’s enough for everyone.
Emma will give a 60-minute tennis clinic at the resort’s jungle-clad, US Open-standard tennis courts.
She will also attend a meet-and-greet and just like any other 19-year-old is excited about going out to the teardrop isles.
She said: ‘I’m delighted to discover the Maldives for the first time. I will have an amazing time there.’
Kings and queens of court
Off Pat: Rafter is a fan
Baa Atoll has become something of a magnet for the cream of tennis.
With former World No. 1s Angelique Kerber and Pat Rafter and Olympic gold medallist Sasha Zverev and Davis Cup winner Viktor Troicki all gracing its courts.
And those of us who have been out to the Maldives have always been mighty glad to have an alternative to water sports.
Because as enjoyable as they are, if like me you weren’t born with a snorkel in your mouth scuba diving doesn’t come naturally.
Howzat!
Lounging around: In Kuramathi
And you’ll be glad for a game of football or cricket with the staff as I did in Kuramathi.
And cool down later in your own infinity pool.
All of which should appeal to the jet set tennis player.
It, of course, extends Princess’s leadership position in delivering exceptional personalised experiences.
Sun Princess will sail an inaugural spring/summer season of Mediterranean cruises from February 2024.
And then Western and Eastern Caribbean voyages out of Port Everglades, Florida in autumn 2024.
So let’s take you inside the palatial ship.
Where the Piazza is the centre-point, spanning three storeys with oceanside views.
An LED screen is also showcased in the centre of the Piazza that can be moved and configured to deliver live entertainment programming.
Oh, did we say there are 29 (count them) bar and dining experiences?
Dome from home
Toast of the seas: Princess
The other stand-out structure onboard Sun Princess is The Dome which is inspired by the terraces of Santorini.
The first glass-enclosed Dome on a cruise ship, here’s a multi-level covered deck.
It features an indoor/outdoor pool, and a unique water feature in a comfortable and relaxed space.
At night, the pool becomes a stage, and The Dome transforms into an entertainment venue with a South Beach vibe.
Shweet suites
Lie back and think of… Princess Cruises
And more on the numbers… it has 2,157 total staterooms, including 50 suites and 100 connecting rooms.
The 21-deck Sun Princess features more outdoor balcony space and all balcony accommodations feature an in-room sofa.
Also launching exclusively on Sun Princess will be a new level of suite accommodations, the exclusive Signature Collection.
Club Class accommodations and all other ships, will now be called Reserve Collection, the best-located mini suite staterooms.
Within the Reserve Collection will be Reserve Collection Cabana rooms, resort-style staterooms that offer a balcony.
And private cabana, an extra-large outdoor lounge space.
These premium accommodations also include access to the Reserve Collection Restaurant.
Trips of a lifetime
Badge of honour: Medallion Man
The inaugural season begins in February 2024 with Mediterranean itineraries. The ship’s first three voyages went on sale at 00:01 on Friday, September 16.
Fares start from €2,075pp for a 10-night Grand Mediterranean voyage, departing 28 February 2024.
And where did we return to from our honeymoon in Corfu… only Aberdeen where we lived and loved (too much information) for four years.
And where I had studied and started my first scribblings as editor of the student newspaper Gaudie.
Before going on to meet my beloved, a photographer on my first paid-for newspaper in Reading, Berkshire… just down the road from Charles’s childhood home.
I guess we’re due to meet then on holiday where yes, the corny side will get the better of me and I’ll exhort Cor phew, it’s Charles.
There’s no denying that Rio is the world’s biggest carnival with two million people taking to the streets but a quarter of a million attend the Santa Cruz carnival on the island.
So what’s it all about and when is it?
Well, it’s rooted in Christian tradition and so that’s two weeks before Ash Wednesday.
And for those of you who forgot that man that thou art dust and unto dust thou shalt return then that’s January 20-February 26.
And now for the history
Party Girls: Bandanaman and his walking troupe
The history of the Carnival falls into three distinct periods…
The Iberians’ religiosity, the more spirited Twenties-orientated festival and the reinvention of the party from 1961 when it took on many of the features we enjoy today.
Now for a timetable of event and what it all mean we got the Tinerfenos to do the heavy lifting.
And with memories of our hike on the island with CanariaWays and our walk through the ages we know they do it far better than us.
So over to them.
The Queen of Tenerife
Spanish meal anyone: And preparing the dish of the day
And that would be Eva from our walk up to Afur which she took in her stride and then did yoga up at the Franco-themed bar (don’t ask).
And I’d vote for her for the Carnival Queen.
15 February – Carnival Queen Election Gala
The Carnival Queen Election Gala is when the Carnival Queen is crowned, who is chosen amongst over a dozen candidates.
The contestants wear the most spectacular costumes, made mainly of feathers, plastic, metal and rhinestones and weighing up to 400kg.
And this year we will see the first-ever junior Gala King.
Reign on our parade
Queen for a day: The carnival
And what would a carnival be without the sing-song?
17 February – Opening Parade of the Carnival
The carnival is a sea of colour, featuring the lead Carnival Queen.
Murga street music groups, comparsa bands and rondallas playing traditional old carnival songs parading down the streets of Santa Cruz.
All in it together
Take to the streets: On Tenerife
And that means a dance.
21 February – Big Carnival Parade in Santa Cruz
The Coso Apoteosis is arguably the highlight of the entire festivities.
Visitors from all around the world flock to Anaga Avenue in Santa Cruz to witness the spectacle.
It features all the Carnival Queens and Carnival groups, floats, incredible dance routines and musical performances.
Catch of the day
Packed in like… sardines
Now Spaniards and Canarians have their own particular take on carnivals which means:
22 February 2023: Burial of the Sardine – A humorous and grotesque procession of mourners saying goodbye to the carnival celebrations.
19 February & 25 February 2023: Daytime Carnival – A popular event for children and families, featuring plenty of activities to keep all entertained.
26 February 2023: Parade of Vintage Cars, Piñata and End of Party – And there’s nothing like whacking a bag of sweeties to get the juices flowing.
Free-for-all
Me-me and Dee-Dee at Crop Over in Barbados
In addition to the ticketed official carnival events, there are a number of spontaneous street events/activities to enjoy for free.
We’re advised that one of these night carnival parties is a must.
And we know all about what dancing in the dark is all about from Crop Over in Barbados.
And a glossary
Echoes of the Canaries: And special wine
Of course, when you’re in Espana then it helps to have a couple of words.
Albergue, meaning hostel, and pulpo, the Spanish word for octopus.
Carnival Groups
A carnival group is a group of people who work together creating ideas, costumes, music, choreography, who all march together in the parade.
Tenerife Carnival features hundreds of different groups but two of the key ones to look out for are below:
Murgas: The Murgas are Spanish carnival groups that feature satire artists, performing songs about current political and world events.
Comparsas: The “comparsas” represent the Brazilian influence on Tenerife’s Carnival, filling it with rhythm, colour and joy.
Nowadays, the comparsas own the street with the undeniable quality of their live performances to surprise even the most frequent carnival-goers on their nights out.
Rondallas: The Rondallas are carnival groups that consist of only guitars, bandurrias, lauds and octavinas.
And of course there is a museum celebrating it all…
At La Casa Del Carnaval, located in Barranco de Santos next to the bridge Puente Galcerán
Maybe add to that glossary for next year Noo Yoikas… because they want to be a part of it Tenerife.
