Well that would be one way of shutting me up, I’m afraid we’ll have to grin and beer it but it’s Oktoberfest masks.
Now I’ve been chucked out of other establishments, including my high school, but none as big as the Lowenbrau or Hofbrau huises at the Oktoberfest.
And because every Dancing Dad has their favourite stories on repeat let’s recap.
The first time was when I tried to redress the unfair balance of baying Antipodeans (mostly in my party) competing with chants of ‘Ausssie’ and ‘Kiwi’.
And so I climbed onto the bandstand as the oompah band was in full flow, and took the mic, to sing uninvited ‘My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean’.
A minute later my bonnie was lying over the outside of the hall.
And because youth is wasted on the young I hadn’t remembered (maybe the drink) or learned from my past experience.
Back for more
And returning from a Bayern Munich v Nuremberg match I got between two rival football supporters who were fighting.
I thought I was being gallant as they were women, despite knowing all about never coming between fighting women from my time growing up in Glasgow.
A boyfriend took exception (my story, and I’m sticking to it) and bust my nose.
A hospital visit and a taxi later with me not knowing where my campsite was and relying on the cabbie and I was back on site and with a thirst on me.
The Mask
Back to Oktoberfest 2022 and the good news is that it is back after its Covid hiatus.
But with a difference with the German government considering enforced compulsory mask-wearing in all public spaces –including bars – from October to March.
Good luck with that Mein Herr.
Because once the Munich crowd get started on their steins of beer and schnapps chasers then you’ll have the divil’s own job to get the seven million drinkers to put their masks back on.
That’s if they can even find them because I sure as heck I wasn’t able to find my own backside.
The times are a-changin’
And you might expect things to have changed in the 36 years.
Since I last clinked steins at the Oktoberfest.
And alas it looks as if my booze bus doesn’t drive to Munich.
I dare say Wombat the driver has long since hung up his drinking gloves.
And is back home in Oz draining a cold one (or judging by his waistline) a kegful.
And in its place it has this package which involves making your own way and staying at the hostel.
After which the Topdeck people will look after you over the next three days.
So no trip to Dachau or Austrian overnighter with tobogganing and glass boot and schnapps drinking games. Hey-ho.
Still, who knows some of the stragglers from our Eighties booze trips may not have made it back or have continued the annual pilgrimage.
The Oktoberfest Braumeister
So check out their specs for their Oktoberfest Braumeister.
And get their app to find out more about costs.
Although you’d have to get into a booze bus time machine.
To get £84 for six days with accommodation on the bus and friends for years.
Those who will drop in on you for a winter in Aberdeen in the north-east of Scotland and form an Earl’s Court Aussie colony there.