No statues were harmed in this movie

I have started my descent into JFK airport when I feel a jolt, like I’ve clipped the Statue of Liberty. Will my insurance cover this? I overcorrect… passengers’ drinks will be going everywhere. And the runway gets away from me.

Thankfully the flight experts at Turkish Airlines headquarters are there to save the day and bring my maiden flight in their simulator to a stop..

For all the fun of it, this is where the air safety happens, staff slide down the shute that we all see on our in-flight drills while there is a pool for them to practise for emergencies.

It is a privilege and reassuring to see first-hand what goes on behind the scenes to ensure that all we have to do is sit back and enjoy our in-flight experience.

So that’s business class with the finest Turkish food, prepped by a flying chef with a floppy white hat, champagne, wines, spirits and beers, all the latest films on a foldaway screen and reclining seats if you want to kip.

Not that you’ll need to eat or drink, you’ve already gorged yourself in one of the many food stations at the award-winning business lounge but it would be rude not to. 

Talking of simulators, why not practise your golf swing I was no more successful with that… whizz a model car round a track, watch movies, or even shower or get your head down before your flight. Just give me a call when it’s time to go to the boarding gate.

On second thoughts, don’t!

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