Or more precisely hot plates.
I don’t know where the Pepes have gone, Pepe the Spanish waiter who befriended me in Portinatx in Ibiza when I was six.
Of course! Buffets replaced Pepe years ago.
And so you never get to know your waiter now.
How do you like your eggs in the morning? Not from a buffet, that’s for sure.
It’s just somebody who comes in from the kitchen, slaps down some slop and then disappears scowling back from whence they came.
Fried eggs, forget it.
Instead of the colour of the sun they invariably look orange, while the scrambled eggs have a skin on them.
Boiled eggs? In an egg cup please.
OK, skip the eggs then.
And if you’re a carnivore like me then it’s over to the bacon canister (and doesn’t steel just scream appetising).
But then the bacon doesn’t sizzle, is limp as a vicar’s handshake and the sausages are like a baby’s fingers.
With about as much meat.
So, are they all bad? Well, no.
Of course the Irish are known for their fry.
And best among them is the Ulster Fry. Try any Hastings Hotel www.hastingshotels.com. And the best of them is Van Morrison.
Read my review Belfast Chilled.
While the Germans love their meat… And read about my travels there… Dresden and Hamburg.
Buffets in the Middle East are like much else, a culture shock.
And, of course, you will have a break from pork. So it’s chicken sausages. An acquired taste.
Many of us in our rushed lives take our breakfast on the go.
I do too but on the go means a plane or a ship.
This will be the Turkish Airlines Business Class then to Istanbul. www.turkishairlines.com. Read how Istanbul was my cup of tea…
And this Celebrity Edge in Fort Lauderdale www.celebritycruises.ie
Of course the best bet is to get your Mammy to get it for you.
She’s using a lame excuse these days though that she’s 90.
But Mums never get to retire.