I’ve been around the world only to get my worst sunburn, actual sun bubbles on my back, on the Scottish isle of Skye, which is why I’ve got a start here on Holidos and Don’ts how to survive a music festival.
Of course while the sun is the biggest, brightest and most brutal of adversaries if not respected.
It is by no means the only challenge for festivalgoers.
As Glastonbury newbies and those who just get overexcited will be discovering this weekend.
In my defence I had youth on my side when we watched the Skye Folk festival.
From atop a hill looking down into the shinty stadium (ask a Hebridean).
And I was in the company of some thirsty Highland and Islanders, with my old mucker and flatmate Finlay leading the charge.
And largely responsible for the call from the Tannoy.
Saying that the local (and only) supermarket had run out of booze.
Factor in water and sunscreen
Of course, the lesson from the Skye fest which, of course we ignored or forgot, was to keep plenty of water with you to match the liquor intake.
Also it’s wise if your skin is unused to the big yellow ball’s rays to slap on the sun factor.
And even if you’re of the ‘Black Irish’ ancestry that I and many in the west of Scotland share you’ll probably need 30 or higher.
These days, of course, since men are all encouraged to be metrosexual.
And I blame David (or Sir as he likes to be called no) Beckham, there’s no embarrassment in applying it on your pal.
Appy Days now
Now the Skye Folk Festival, despite its headliners of Nazareth and Runrig, isn’t in the same ball park as Glastonbury or Coachella.
So there’s no running around between stages or getting lost looking for your camp.
But if you do decide to supersize your summer gig experience.
Then just like everything else these days download the festival app.
It will do all the heavy lifting for you, bar the tents and hooks.
Pack up your troubles
Because you’ve come ‘to escape the smog’ as Joni Mitchell famously observed although she never did get to Woodstock because of it.
So don’t overpack your rucksack or car if you’ve decided to wait in a snaking traffic queue.
As far as the camping essentials you’ll need to dress for the occasion.
And so may we suggest light rainproofs, waterproof walking boots and a hat, or in my case a bandana.
I’m reliably informed, by no less a party animal as Rihanna, that they are multi-use.
Flag your tent
It’s probably wise too to mark your tent and here we’re grateful to an Italian group we met.
On our first foreign camping trip to the French Riviera post-school.
Who proud patriots that they were flew a Tricolore above their tent with a picture of national hero Paolo Rossi… this was post World Cup 1982 naturally.
Of course, at a big fest like Glasto you’ll not be the only ones from your country.
So maybe fly balloons with bandanas on… see I told you they were useful.
Your valuables
Now you’re never more vulnerable than when you’re portable so it’s doubly true.
That you apply the daily lesson of look after your valuables even more when you’re away from home.
Not that everybody should be viewed as a threat, with music festivals generally trippy places.
Full of love, peace and understanding, but just be vigilant.
Your inhibitions may be down and judgments loosened by the vibe and the drink or substances you take.
But my rule of thumb is to keep my valuables, wallet, phone, keys in my front pockets.
And I make sure I pad them regularly to see they’re still there.
I like to tell people where I am when I arrive in case of emergencies or if they need to contact me.
Make sure too that you don’t get carried away by the surge and stay close to friends.
Out of the mouths of my children
A lesson here from my own Electric Picnic festivalgoing childies who take theirs to the loo , buy your own drinks and don’t leave them out of your sight.
And padlock your tents.
But probably most importantly enjoy the craic because for the rest of us we just want to stop the world and get off.
And in time-honoured tradition, if you follow these tips.
Courtesy of Holidos and Don’ts how to survive a music festival, then you’ll live to alight another day.