I was at a disadvantage chasing a Sri Lankan on our Kuramathi football field so I’d not hold out much hope of winging it with John Barnes in the Maldives.
But I’d give it a try seeing that he looks to be partial to a mince pie these days.
‘Digger’ as he’s known to his football pals after the Dynasty character Cliff ‘Digger’ Barnes is the star attraction along with Stuart Pearce and Harry Redknapp for their Campioni Soccer Academy.
The programme is for kids but our friends at Simply Maldives leave nobody out and have an added midweek parents game.
Now growing up playing on muddy Scottish pitches Kuramathi’s astroturf is a culture shock.
And the big yellow ball in the sky rarely makes an appearance in Jockoland never mind palm trees.
This sporting life
You’ll get coached by legends though here with Simply Maldives.
With Liverpool great Digger running the school from July 28 and August 1.
And Harry and ‘Pscycho’ Pearce on from August 4 and 8, and parents will be hanging off their every anecdote too.
Seeing you’re all visitors together you won’t be disadvantaged by playing with the locals who are more used to the temperatures.
Which I was handicapped by when I asked the staff at our resort if I could join in their kickabout.
And they were gracious to allow me to make up the numbers.
And also join in their cricket match where I ran up a lofty total of three before getting myself run out.
The Maldives, of course, is all about R&R, the most idyllic spot.
Endless culinary and cocktails, watersports, infinity pools and karaoke yes.
With our Irish group belting out Living Next Door to Alice with our own ribald adages.
What’s included
The week starts on Sunday night with a welcome drinks reception.
Where each child is presented with a kit, cap, water bottle and bag while meeting the legends.
Daily development football training starts on the Monday at 3:30-5:30pm.
A midweek parents game.
An end of week medal presentation.
All Campioni families have the opportunity to socialise with the sporting celebs.
The daily football training sessions focus on the children.
And improving their technical skills, game and approach, using the FA’s 4 Corner Model.
Where to stay
2 Bedroom Duplex Beach House ( Sleeps up to 6 people ): adults from €3645 each, under-12s from €2465, teenager 12-16 yrs from €3215.
Pool Villa(sleeps max 3): adults from €4715 each, under-12s from €2945.
Superior Beach Villa (sleeps max 3): adults from €3549 each, under-12s from €2355
Supplement for Basic All Inclusive (buffet dining + all drinks ) = €88 per adult per day & €44 per child per day (up to 16s).
Supplement for select all inclusive (9 a la carte restaurants included = €148 per adult per day & €74 per child per day (up to 16s).
5-day Soccer Academy additional €900 per child.
Prices include return flights from Dublin in Economy Class, Return Speedboat Transfers, 7 Nights accommodation on Full Board Basis (Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner).
Plus complimentary Kids Club.
And the chance to be winging it with John Barnes in the Maldives.