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We wish Pope Francis only the best health but release of the film Conclave and a TV series on Michelangelo focuses our mind on The Sistine Chapel behind closed doors.

Conclave comes with a stellar cast including Ralph Fiennes, Stanley Tucci, John Lithgow and Isabella Rossellini.

Although Isabella, of course, isn’t allowed into the chapel with the cardinals to decide the next Pope.

The key to the Vatican

It is, of course, the one time the Sistine Chapel is closed to the laity, ‘con clave’ meaning ‘with key’.

Now as we ponder what really goes on between the cardinals it is to their credit that these old men stay concentrated.

Because were it us we’d undoubtedly be reminded as we were at school that ‘the answer isn’t on the ceiling’.

Only all human and divine life is on this ceiling.

Something is up

We’re most familiar with the creationist bolt of thunder that God points down to Adam at its centre.

But, of course, that is just a small scene from a riot of colour and story-telling.

Which no camera, mobile phone or video can capture, so why even try?

Only too many tourists to Rome and the Vatican cannot resist.

The temptation despite the warnings from the guides at the door and signs.

Now as one of life’s technophobes I cannot tell you what damage cameras and their flashes do to art.

Or whether the reason why taking flash pictures is forbidden is because it ticks off the security.

That, and the fact that it’s harder to circulate the room when so many are fixed to their spots pointing their cameras upwards.

Just the ticket

Now Vatican visitors will find they are bombarded with independent ticketeers but we suggest going with the official Vatican Museums.

Particularly as soaking up all that that the Vatican has to offer can be overwhelming.

And even more so if you have decided to initiate your growing teenage two into its and the Eternal City’s mysteries.

When all the Son and Heir wants to do is feed his face.

And The Scary One is threatening not to come in with you because you’re making a scene.

And threatening to chuck young Son and Heir into the Tiber.

Vatican’s VIPs

Now if only there was a chapel you can go and ask God for forgiveness and help.

Only we have to share this one with the hoards.

Because it’s only the cardinals or Hollywood A-listers who get to enjoy the Sistine Chapel behind closed doors.’

They’re brothers by a different mother, sisters by a different mister, so come on just play nice on the Dublin-NY portal.

Because, guess what, you’ve only just gone and got this interactive twinning of two of the world’s great cities suspended.

By flashing body parts and images of the Twin Towers on it.

Now we all know the bonds and family links that tie the Fair City and the City that Never Sleeps.

Including our own, with all four of my Irish mum’s brothers making their way to America and swelling its population.

And that Dubliners and New Yorkers share the same edgy, anti-establishment view of their world.

Sign of the times

But there is a line that’s been crossed and spoiled the fun for all those stepping into each other’s worlds.

Whether looking out of O’Connell Street into Broadway or back the other way.

All of which brings up again the Holidos and Don’ts of proper responses at tourist sites and historic attractions.

Particularly following a trip last week to the Hollywood sign.

Or at least as close as you can get which is about 800m.

Now it’s only 50 years since we could all, if we were fit enough, clamber up to the sign.

Before antisocial types forced the authorities’ hand through graffiti and desecration of the site.

Now if you try to get near the sign the LAPD will warn you off by loudspeaker that you will be fined $3,000 for your troubles.

Not that that seems to deter folk as we witnessed on our trek in the Hollywood Hills.

Please do not touch

The same has become true of Uluru, Ayer’s Rock to the old father-in-law when he lived out there and went walkabout.

Sometimes, of course, it’s mere overexcitement that causes people to go too far.

And mean that the guardians of the Pere Lachaise Cemetery have now had to put a glass screen over Oscar Wilde’s grave in Paris.

Or entitlement as pushy photographers try to capture a corner of a cherub on the Sistine Chapel.

Of course, alas, tourist desecration is nothing new with the original Vandals, a tribe from the East, sacking Rome.

And generations helping themselves to Classical infrastructure lying around for their own home.

We should be grateful then for what is left and how complete the centrepiece of that other Classical powerhouse, Athens’ Acropolis is.

No thanks, of course, to Britain, who hold on graspingly to the Elgin Marbles.

Reach out across the oceans

Now, coming back to the question of today and our cri de coeur…

Modern technology allows us to reach out across oceans to the descendants of those who left generations ago and could not come back.

So play nice on the Dublin-NY portal because remember they’re brothers by a different mother, sisters by a different mister.

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The Sistine Chapel behind closed doors