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We’d not recommend storming the head of state’s pad, instead we’d prefer to flag up my pal’s OLCOTE, a palatial Sri Lanka retreat.

All that said, you wouldn’t surely deny the impoverished Sri Lankans having a pool party at the Prez’s expense.

As we’ve witnessed in the TV footage of the Sri Lankans dive bombing into President Gotabaya Rajapaksa’s swimming pool.

Tess de Kretser is a pal from Dublin days and without doubt the best-known Sri Lankan in Ireland.

From her days married to Ryanair’s Cathal Ryan whom she bore two of her eight children.

Tess of the Dublinvilles

Hostess with the mostest: Tess de Kretser

Tess’s story is one from the derring-do pages of adventure books having skipped her parents’ home in Sri Lanka to join a airline and see the world.

And more, much more of which we relived over lunch in Ballsbridge and a cultural night in Iveagh Garden Hotel.

All of which we’re raising here to remind ourselves how important we are as citizens of the world to crisis-hit countries.

Tourism is the third biggest contributor to Sri Lanka’s economy.

On the ball: In the Maldives with a Sri Lankan pal

But it has been hit badly by perceptions, post the 2019 bombings, Covid and now the cost-of-living crisis.

And we are in danger of overlooking, or never hearing of Sri Lanka’s charms.

Or its people whom I got to know and play football and cricket with in the Maldives.

Marco’s fave island

But don’t just take my word for it (well, do) but the most famous explorer of them all, Marco Polo, was transfixed by the island.

And he called it: ‘the best island of its size in the country.’

Had it been available to Marco in the 12th century he would surely have stayed in OLCOTE.

Or Our Little Corner of the Earth as Tess christened it.

Our Little Corner

Ya dancer: The colour and peace of OLCOTE

Tess describes OLCOTE as the perfect marriage of Sinhalese traditional culture and modern luxurious accommodation.

And you can rely on a team of private staff, the Olcote shuttle, gourmet chefs, European wines perfectly chilled and your every need catered for, you can expect the holiday of a lifetime

As you can see by the pictures.

The extended house and suites we’re told are surrounded by lush gardens, fruit trees and quiet spaces.

And hammocks (I would hope so), herbs and vegetables abound. While monkeys (and cheeky monkeys) often visit.

Sweet suites

It’s good of Tess too to name the eight suites after places in Dublin, including my own working stomping ground of Ballsbridge.

Although I would be prepared to stay in Sandymount, Killiney or Dalkey.

Now, of course, OLCOTE has all the wellness and yoga that you would need, while they will put on excursions to surprise and delight.

Prices start from €2,500 for two people staying a full week, with all expenses, transfers, food and entertainment included.

Olcote can comfortably home 16 people at a time and you and your pals can book the whole shooting match as a oner.

SriLankan Airlines will fly you non-stop from London Heathrow to Colombo with flying time 11 hours.

Plenty of time to fit in a few films.

And you’ll be feeling nice and relaxed by the time you get to Sri Lanka.

Ready to chill out at OLCOTE, a palatial Sri Lanka retreat.

And because Leopold Bloom didn’t have this option back in 1904.. bloomin’ eck it’s a Dublin airport breakfast on Bloomsday.

Bloomsday is a celebration of the mythical day in the life of James Joyce‘s great creation Leopold Bloom, June 16th 1904.

And this year is a special Bloomsday.

And not just because the day of Joyce japes is back after being put on hold these last couple of years because of Covid.

You have to wonder too if Leopold’s famous breakfast of ‘grilled mutton kidneys which gave to his palate a fine tang of faintly scented urine’ would have been a cure-all for coronavirus.

While Joycers reenacted the Great Man’s Day, minus the naughty bits, in his native Dublin.

This one-time English Lit graduate spent the morning in that most modern-day of pursuits.

Waiting at the airport.

Red-eye, must fly

The 6.25am Ryanair red-eye from Dublin back to Edinburgh is a bit of a marathon.

And you can get caught between two stools of whether to get an overnighter or take a nap at the airport.

The pod bubbles will contort you in a bit of an unnatural position.

But then they are more comfortable than lying across the seats or trying to nod off when you’re sat up.

The boy in the bubble: In Dublin Airport

Equally, it came as a bit of a surprise to discover that the Aircoach doesn’t go right through the night.

Instead it now finishes at 12.30am, and meaning I had to get a taxi back from O’Connell Street, but hey-ho.

I had spent only £25 and a couple of £6 extras for seat selection and early check-ins so I had saved already…

Message to the broken British train service here which charges £100+ to go from Edinburgh to London.

My inner Joyce

I’ve been channeling my own inner Joyce with these flying visits back to Dublin.

Since relocating back in Scotland two years ago and I’ll continue to do so.

I’ll fill you in with the details of our Caribbean Road show at the Iveagh Garden Hotel in Harcourt Street.

And it is Dublin’s go-to entertainment street (only tourists think it’s Temple Bar).

And the apres with old friends and new.

But, of course, wine and Guinness, needs some soaking up.

And as good and as welcoming our buffet was with chicken, obligatory in the Caribbean, obviously on the menu, you will hit that food wall.

In the early hours in the airport.

Of course, in the early hours the food outlets are closed but start opening up, I’m thinking about 4am/4.30am or after.

So if you can hold out there are enticing food variations.

Now, for the day that’s in it it’s worth pointing out Leopold Coffee House.

It serves fresh coffee, teas, breakfast and a selection of baked goods, pastries and sandwiches.

Airport drinks

Now, this is Ireland after all so there is a culture of airport drinks.

But, and this will be the last time you’ll hear this, I’m pretty much a good boy around this.

And I prefering to keep any boozing until when I get there (wherever there is).

But if you’ve got a thirst on you then you might want to check out the Tap + Brew Craft Beer + Kitchen, the specs of which read thus…

‘A contemporary kitchen and bar offering a range of local artisan beers paired with gourmet hot dogs, loaded nachos, and tasty waffles.’

And so you get bacon waffles and the like, although at prices in the mid-teens I gave it a miss.

Of course, for coffee lovers, then there are the usual branded stores.

What the Butler saw

But when in Ireland you should check out Butler’s, a favourite of ours. and with that little touch of a comp chocolate.

Now this is by no mean a definitive guide and there are a lot more choices to explore in the hours you have in the airport.

As well as the kerching and retail stores.

But as we’re creatures of habit, and I’m still kicking myself over shelling out more on the taxi after missing the Aircoach, I went back to an old staple.

The WH Smith meal deal, and I’m thinking about €6.50 for a packaged sandwich, drink (water or fizzy) and a bag of crips. It’s £5 in Edinburgh.

Bloomin’ heck it’s a Dublin airport breakfast on Bloomsday but it’ll do for me.

And, of course, the hick with the stick (Dubs have a more earthy nickname) was right to eulogise his home city.

With his epic day in the life odyssey. It’s become my signature trip.