Hello Good Bayeux I don’t know why you say Hello I say Good Bayeux.
And apologies to The Beatles who really have nothing to do with this yarn other than this being a magical mystery tour.
Of course, Keir Starmer is claiming the loan of the William the Conqueror Battle of Hastings drape as a victory.
But the reasons are rather more prosaic and more to do with filthy lucre.
As the Bayeux Museum is undertaking a two-year €35m refurb back in Normandy.
Which obviously means the French need somewhere to store the cloth.
Merci bien
Cynics will say that Emmanuel Macron will have extracted a price from Britain in the swap.
And while we’re not sure if the Sutton Hoo ship burial, the Lewis chessmen and other artefacts have the same pull as the tapestry.
It will bring coins into the coffers.
Of course, Britain won’t be giving away a look at the tapestry.
And although entry to the British Museum in London is gratis special exhibitions come at a cost.
The price of cloth
And judging by the £18 admission price for current display Hiroshige: artist of the open road we can expect Bayeux to be pitched considerably higher.
Particularly as the 230ft long and 50cm high tapestry features 58 scenes.
In four stitches and thread in 10 natural dye colours.
Including 623 humans, more than 700 animals, 37 buildings and 41 ships and other vessels plus 94 penises, or they could be swords.
We’ll leave you then to do the math with Bayeux reporting they see 400,000 visitors a year, charging €12.
And, no we don’t know the ancient Norman or English for Kerching.
Scotland’s story
Of course, while Bayeux may be the world’s most famous drape we in our northern outpost of Scotland boast our own cloth.
Now the tapestry may be rather newer at 12 years old than Bayeux.
Which dates back to 1070 but Scottish history is just as old and illustrious as its neighbour.
The Great Tapestry of Scotland is housed appropriately in the weaving town of Galashiels in the Scottish Borders.
With tickets priced at £12.50.
Game of Thrones in Belfast
The power of the tapestry is clearly still as absorbing to modern advanced sensibilities as it was to illiterate Medieval peasants.
And, of course, it is always a blank canvas to weave whatever story you wish to tell.
With inevitably Game of Thrones getting in on the action in its spiritual home of the North of Ireland.
At the excellent Ulster Museum in Belfast where those who like their tapestries guttural can see a murder on the privy.
And all free but we’d recommend you make a donation.
So Hello Good Bayeux to the latest tapestry addition to these islands, albeit temporary with the exhibition slated for September 2026.
And just think even if you do have to shell out £18 that’s probably 20p each Willie.
