And because we never give you a day off, today’s weekend homework is in the Xhosa of native tongues on International Language Day.
Anyone who has had the pleasure of visiting South Africa and done their prep will know about the unique throat-clicking Xhosa lingo.
Which is spoken as a first language by 8 million people and as a second language in South Africa.
Particularly in Nelson Mandela’s Eastern Cape, Western Cape, Northern Cape and Gauteng, and also in parts of Zimbabwe and Lesotho.
Which try as you may, or badger your guide Seseko, you will almost certainly never be able to master.
One of the many joys of visiting foreign shores is learning a few words in the local lingua.
Always a better idea than holding up two fingers and shouting slowly ‘Beero’ at a Spanish waiter like some we could mention.
Parla Italiano
What a carthorse: Daughterie carries me around
Of course sometimes you can overreach.
Just as this cretino did on a family holiday to La Citta Eterna.
When I tried out some of the Italian I had learned in my conversational language class.
And greeted the concierge as we would come back at night with a cheery…
‘Bueno Notte e sogni d’oro’.
Which I only learned on my return from Il Bel Paese when my bewildered teacher Donata asked me how I’d got on means…
‘Good night and dreams of gold’.
Bangladeshi bangers
Asmery old time: With Bangladeshi Asmery
Now every day should be an International Language Day but seeing that it’s today a history lesson… see, we do work you.
ILD has been around since 1999 but had its origins in the Bangladesh freedom fight of 1952 when they were known as East Bengal.
And the now Bangladeshis were pushing for recognition of their Bengali language as an official central state language instead of a provincial language.
And as no uomo is an island, our Italiani amici are following the modern fashion of linking land, with a bridge over Sicilian waters.
All of which €13.5bn public project money will connect Sicily to Italy 2 miles across the Messina Strait.
The ambition to join Italy and Sicily has been a long-held target.
Omerta: Sicilians
With the government first proposing the scheme in 1971.
And revising it in 2022 following multiple cancellations on the grounds of hard lira/euro.
With the project to erect the world’s longest single-span bridge starting next May and slated for completion in 2032.
No Ponte
Ferry good: Reggio Calabria to Sicily takes 35 minutes.
Whatever has changed, and cynics might say it’s a politicians’ protection racket, it looks like this time it will go ahead.
And proponents will point to better access for Sicilians to Il Bel Paese, the Beautiful Country, and increased trade with them spitting out 120,000 jobs in the pipeline.
While the romantics will plead that the watery divide is what gives Sicily its very island identity and the bridge will remove that and alter the environment irrevocably.
Mamma mia: Mariolina. Picture: AlJazeera
Only the Sicilians aren’t as easily persuaded with 10,000 out protesting at the weekend waving their ‘No Ponte’ or ‘No Bridge’ placards.
With Mamma Mariolina De Francesco, a 75-year-old resident of Messina whose house lies near the site of one of the bridge’s 399m-tall land towers particularly animated.
Bridge too far: The protests. Picture: AlJazeera
Saying: ‘They could offer me three times the value of my house, but that doesn’t matter to me. What matters is the landscape. They must not touch the Strait of Messina.’
The Sea and the Skye
Bonnie fechter: Bonnie Prince Charlie
Now all this is familiar territory for those of us who live on a rock.
With Scotland engineering out Jacobean romance bridging Skye and the mainland.
Because had Bonnie Prince Charlie been fleeing Hanoverian forces in 1746 it would have been a very different escape.
In the boot of a car crossing the bridge rather than dressed up as Flora MacDonald’s maidservant.
Now don’t quiz us on this but Copenhagen sticks out for many reasons but specifically because its biggest city and the country’s capital is on an island, Zealand, off the mainland, Jutland.
So that its citizens, such as Hans Christian Anderson’s Little Mermaid had to swim to get anywhere.
All before the 5-mile Oresund Bridge between Zealand and Sweden came along in the year 2000… and blame the Millennium for many of these projects.
Channel your frustrations
Soulless: The Channel Tunnel
And for those of us of a certain age, and the rest who followed the news reel, one of the great engineering vanities, celebrated at the end of the century, was the Channel Tunnel.
All when the English and French, for a brief time, got on with each other in 1994.
And there was great hoopla made of an English workman and a French counterpart meeting at the point where the 31 mile tunnel joined.
Of course modernists will tell you that this has made travel to the continent and for Europeans wanting to get to this island all the easier.
Which may be tree but it is a soulless journey and not without its delays… and you will of course miss that glorious sight of the White Cliffs of Dover.
There’s a black hole over the tunnel entrance to France.. Vera Lynn would turn in her grave.
And if there’s a lesson in there somewhere, you’re welcome.
And a salutary piece of advice for the Italians and Sicilians (and if you’ve ever met any then you’ll know they are very different) about building a bridge over Sicilian waters.
There are, alas, rooms aplenty in Bethlehem this Christmastime, so we’re off to Italy, where 800 years ago St Francis gave us the First Nativity Scene in Greccio.
The choice of an Umbrian cave was because the saint felt it resembled closest a Bethlehem cave.
And so Frankie asked that a donkey and an ox, some hay and a manger be brought to the cave on Christmas Eve.
And he invited other friars and people from the village, creating a living Nativity scene.
With locals playing Jesus, Mary & Joseph and their little donkey and ox playing themselves.
Greccio, you say… well, it’s a village on the edge of a wood, 80km north of Rome.
Where 100,000 devotees swell the ranks of Greccio and its surrounds every year.
And where Pope Francis came early this year to mark eight centuries since his namesake started the tradition.
Jesus, Mary & Joseph
I’m Francis too: Pope in Greccio (Vatican Media)
Now not all of us have spare donkeys, oxen and sheep to hand unless we live on a farm.
So we set up our own ones, anything from wee plastic Jesus, Mary & Josephs and the animals.
To more ornate cribs, the best, most elaborate being in Greccio.
Where at this time of year nativity scenes spring up.
From miniature works in the brickworks of walls to larger displays in front of hotels and guesthouses.
Born is the one
Animal magic: St Francis
But it’s the Sanctuary where you’ll be headed.
Where you’ll enter the Cappella del Presepio, the Chapel of Nativity Scene.
And witness a partially restored ancient mural of a nativity scene that marks where St Francis held the Mass.
They can also see images of our saint painted on walls around the village.