But in the words of the inestimable Chris Tarrant, I don’t want to give you that (well, I do but…) I want to give you this.
Joali, 45 minutes by seaplane from Male, which is welcoming back guests from August 1.
There’s everything you would expect in terms of luxury with your own swimming pool, yoga and wellness treatment, private dining options and the chance to go out to your own desert island!
But get this, you and your friends can buy out the island’s own 73 villas and residences and facilities.
Exclusive use buyout will start from $90,000 per night through to September 30 and $185,000 per night between October 1 and 30 November.
For guests 12 and above an all-inclusive full-board meal plan (including alcohol for adults) will cost an additional $450per night per guest. Visit http://www.inspiringtravelcompany.co.uk.
And whaddya mean you haven’t got that kind of moolah? You’ve been locked down for the last four months!
Insert smiley Ryanair emoji here
You know that we’re getting back to normal when Ryanair http://www.ryanair.com are getting funky with their slogans and emojis again and they’ve only taken to dressing oranges with sunglasses.
Where myself and the world’s luckiest woman still have a complimentary bottle of champagne which we never finished 25 years ago still waiting for us.
Wearing my Sandals on my sleeve
A basket of devourables
Caribbeanophile that I am, I’ve been cheering on the Windies in their Test series with England (don’t tell the Scary One).
The Windies are of course promoting Sandals http://www.sandals.co.uk on the sleeves of their shirts and it is timely as their resorts are open for business with some great offers.
Jamaica has been the prize which has been slipping through my grasp these past couple of years through me being in another part of the world at the time when it was offered, or even worse WORKING!
The famous five with Laura and Hayley centre
But I will keep next January free (promise!) for your seven-night stay at the Sandals Ochi Beach, seven nights from £2,129pp including flights.
You can upgrade too to butler elite room for only €156 which tickled the fancy of my colleagues when I stayed there Let’s rumba in Barbados and http://www.visitbarbados.org who I’ll call Laura and Hayley so as NOT to protect their privacy!
And, of course, I’ve been promising you more Jocktails with a Caribbean twist. They’re coming. Don’t you know how difficult it is to get Falernum in Scotland.
Crazy cruisey government advice
And sporting my medallion on my lapel
So, who thinks it’s a good idea to give the green light to pack out pubs and beaches but thinks it unsafe to let cruise companies and grown-ups distance themselves on cruise ships?
Herself was only a little princess when she passed through the Panama Canal with her parents on her trip home on a working ship from Australia as a child.
Panama dancing
Princess Cruises had been traversing the canal for some half a dozen years by then and have continued to do so (lockdown excepted) and aim to do so again.
All of which will be sweet music to the Indomitable Mrs M who wants an upgrade from that working ship!
Fort Lauderdale R&R
For 2021-22 voyages wil range from 10-15 days visiting 17 destinations in eight countries.
Barry (left), an effing legend
Island of refuge: The Maldives
Any excuse
And lots of bubbles too
