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Airport drinks and the Ryanair solution

25th August 202525th August 2025 funtime65

You’re sipping apple tea in dry Male in the Maldives, off your Turkish Airlines overnighter, and thinking about airport drinks and the Ryanair solution.

Well, maybe not then, as well as being dog tired despite the business class sleep on board from Istanbul, via Dublin.

And the fact that Michael O’Leary was still to formulate the idea in that massive, overactive brain of his.

But the news of a whopping 41% rise in trouble at Scottish airports, and we dare say that’s replicated in similar airports, has us agreeing.

Two drink or not to drink

The bould Michael is suggesting a two-drink limit for passengers before getting on flights.

Which might at first sound draconic but us Jocks aren’t even allowed a drink when attending football grounds to limit the risks of violence.

Airport drinking has, of course, become a custom of holidaying , helped along by the ubiquitous Weatherspoon.

Only for every happy drunk there are leary louts who kick off at the check-out desk.

When they’re told their luggage doesn’t fit and they have to pay an excess fee.

And all before they get on the plane and top up.

Thou shalt not pass

Of course, in the worst cases the yobs on tour will end up abusing the cabin crew and fellow passengers.

And even cause the plane to be diverted for an emergency landing.

All of which disruption can be allayed by following Michael’s solution.

And insisting that passengers show their boarding passes as we do in the gift shops, stationers and pharmacists.

And that way being blocked after two drinks.

Cheers to Ryanair

Let’s dance: You can enjoy yourself without being drunk

Now 19-year-old Bandanaman who drank our transatlantic flight from London to JFK dry.

With my old much-lamented party animal Toothy dry would disapprove.

But two drinks should be enough for anybody before they board their flight.

Even those who are nervous fliers and we sympathise.

Now far from wanting to be accused of being a Grinch we should surely look at this for the sake of all passengers.

Because this is the brainchild of the great promoter of budget travel.

Who has been known to give a free drink to passengers after a successful Cheltenham.

Airport drinks and the Ryanair solution, maybe we’ll all look back in the future and sigh that it was ever any other way.

Countries, Europe, Flying

Turkish Airlines’ taxi for Istanbul

9th January 20259th January 2025 funtime65

And sometimes it pays to have an airport layover so you can avail of Turkish Airlines’ taxi for Istanbul.

Because not everyone can afford to while away the time in their award-winning Business Lounge.

Complete with saunas, cinemas, golf ranges, gaming F1 tracks and the best culinary and drinks.

Of course, better than even that is the experience and entertainment down the road.

On the metropolis on the Bosphorus.

Which is why our friends at TA offer a whistle stop tour of the great Euro/Asia city before your connecting flight takes off.

Sites for sore eyes

So if you have a connecting international flight in İstanbul with a layover between six and 24 hours.

You are entitled to a complimentary Touristanbul service to discover Istanbul.

By selecting one of the tours offered by Touristanbul according to the time best suited to your layover.

You can select one of the six tours offered by Touristanbul.

According to the time frame best suited to your flight arrival and departure schedule.

During the tours, you can visit İstanbul’s most notable historical sites and enjoy authentic Turkish cuisine.

Right track: Istanbul TA Business Lounge

After landing at İstanbul Airport, you will be picked up by a vehicle and driven back to the airport at the end of the tour.

Although the tour times are carefully arranged and planned, if a guest is unable to make their flight in cases that are TA’s responsibility.

They will ensure that the passenger reaches their destination smoothly via the next flight.

Istanbul Airport features two Touristanbul desks:

One located in the transfer area and the other on the arrival floor.

Whizz around Istanbul

A sample itinerary shows us that you could get whizzed around.

The Yenikapi Harbour, the Beyazit Square and Tower, the Old Book Market and Grand Bazaar.

There’s also the Column of Constantinople who once gave his name to the city.

Hippodrome Square and the Egyptian Obelisk and Obelisk of Tehosdosius.

And all in five and a half hours with a visit of Hagia Sophia Museum.

And dinner thrown in, and hopefully kofte meatballs and Turkish tea.

So, don’t hang about… Turkish Airlines’ taxi for Istanbul.

Countries

There is no such thing as a free lunch

28th September 202428th September 2024 funtime65

It’s dangerous, but timeous territory, and one directed at Travel professionals too… yes, there is no such thing as a free lunch.

It is, of course, an occupational hazard of reviewing accommodations and attractions near and far to sample their fare.

But such is human nature that it is treated by those who are not invited to give their expertise, ie us…

To be ridiculed with lazy name-calling, such as in my case Junket or Jollies Jim.

Singing for your supper

Yes, it has involved being wined and dined along the way.

And entertained by the likes of Diana Ross, The Beach Boys and One Republic, at Red Rocks, among others.

While stepping up too to be front and centre at the Rising Star Karaoke Bar at CityWalk, Universal Orlando.

Kidding about: With Levi and my racing goat Bandanaman in Tobago

While also being asked to rollercoaster, horse-ride, goat-race and whitewater raft.

But then without blowing our own trumpets, and, yes, we’ll do that too, it is our expertise to write a story which earns us our ticket.

Just as it is for sports writers who are invited to cup finals or music reviewers who are asked along to gigs.

Breakfast of champions

All of this more often than not begins with a breakfast, a lunch, a dinner.

And speeches about destinations and a thumb-through dates.

Buy my own clothes? Sir Keir Starmer sees the funny side

Before leaving with a gift bag with memory stick, pen, pad, coffee mug, selfie stick and other accessories.

Hardly Oscar or politician perk territory then.

The business of travel

Lounging about: Turkish Airlines business class lounge

Yes, we have savoured the best of airport business lounges, as in the award-winning Turkish Airlines in Istanbul.

And TA, British Airways and Virgin Atlantic business travel too.

And been pampered with wellness spas, massages and infinity and swim-up pools.

But always on the understanding that there is no such thing as a free lunch.

And that there is an article, or article, or throwback piece, at the end of it all.

And that a connection is built for future developments at the destination.

Writes and wrongs

The most persistent accusation that is levelled at travel writers is that their providers buy off their critiques.

But without going all AA Gill we have pointed out a destination’s discrepancies, as with a particular Moroccan mare.

And if that risks being asked to return then so be it because we have to be true to the readers and ourselves.

In truth you earn trust with travel providers by being honest and they are usually keen to get you back out to put things right.

Of course, there are those who abuse the system.

Like a previous boss’s daughter who took a break in Madeira.

Who didn’t write it up, took a year’s sabbatical, and when we did track her down the connection was discontinued.

Just one of many entitled staffers who needless to say were never asked again,

Pleasure to work with you

Playing it straight should come instinctively and those who don’t soon get found out.

If awards have arrived along the way such as the Irish Travel sector singling me out for a Pleasure to Work With award then I’ll take that too.

Because we know that there is no such thing as a free lunch,

And that means all of us being open and transparent with each other as to what is expected of us.

Countries, Deals, Flying

The Mile High Club

1st September 20241st September 2024 funtime65

In 30 years with my own jet-setter I’ve only ever been to bed with one person on a flight, and it didn’t qualify for the Mile High Club.

Now neither bald boy Brian nor I, a beardie bandanaman, would have ever have chosen each other as priority sleeping partners.

But lying next to each other on the fold down beds in Turkish Business class was, of course, a treat.

And with a full belly and a woozy head from the flowing fizz we had the sweetest dreams.

And landed refreshed and ready for the Maldives but that’s another story.

EasyJet loving

All of which daydream recollections came flooding back when learning of the overamorous pair.

Who were chucked off an EasyJet flight to the Balearics.

A case of woah, we’re going to Ibiza, all right.

Now the Mile High Club came to be known over the years as the ultimate expression of cocking a snook at authority.

And who can forget the tale of Michael Hutchence supposedly making sweet music with Kylie Minogue on his knee?

Underneath a well-placed coat.

These days, of course, cabin crew would certainly pull up such behaviour on the grounds that the seat belt light was on.

Loo love ya, baby

Cabin fever: High jinks at the National Museum of Flight

The alternative, of course, the rest room would require the dexterity of Harry Houdini.

Yesterday’s airplane loos must have been more spacious affairs.

While passengers would also have been able to enjoy that post-coital cigarette too as smoking was allowed too.

And even encouraged as you can see if you are fortunate enough to board a Concorde as we are at the National Museum of Flight, near North Berwick.

And see the dainty ashtrays provided for the great and good who went supersonic.

One can only imagine which of the famous celebs enrolled in the Mile High Club when they went transatlantic on that bird.

Suite loving with Etihad

Today it requires a little more imagination and a lot more money to get into the Mile High Club.

By either flying on your own private jet or booking a private suite.

Now we’ll leave you to do the heavy lifting here.

But we’re told that they can range from $7,000 to $12,000 for a one-way trip and can even reach up to $23,000 depending on the amenities.

And it’s probably no coincidence that it’s pitched at the dollar market.

We’re told too that Etihad’s Residence, a three-room suite, can cost around $32,000 for a trip from Abu Dhabi to New York.

Perhaps outwith our loved-up couple’s budget who’ll likely face a hefty fine and ban for their few minutes of fun.

Asia, Countries, Europe

Istanbul for romance

7th November 20227th November 2022 funtime65

There would be few bigger statements than asking a question on the Bosphorus which is why we all should look to Istanbul for romance.

And which is why I had lined up Turkey’s biggest city for my big moment.

Only for Malta to stand in for Istanbul though the harbour in Valletta stands comparison with anywhere in the world.

We did try to reach Istanbul with an extra on board, an 18-month-old, on an itinerary from Bulgaria.

But again, it got by us.

Party on the Bosphorus

When I eventually did get to the crossroads of Europe and Asia it was on my own.

On my own but with party people… those revellers being an Irish travel group.

And we all know where the Irish goes the craic goes with them.

And when you’re in the Turks’ town and their waterway then a boombox is what’s needed.

But, of course, you need a base, and a romantic one at that if you bring your sweetheart with you.

And The Peninsula Hotels have you very much in mind as can be seen by the launch date for their new hotel.

Launch date

So why not choose Istanbul for romance for Valentine’s Day?

Guests can avail of a Valentine’s Day launch B&B offer of €1,050 per room per night.

And that’ll include a €100 credit towards dining, spa and wellness.

And comp airport pick-up for all suite reservations.

With Turkish Airlines and its state-of-the-art Business Lounge in Istanbul Airport is who to use.

If you can extricate yourself from the luxury surrounding you.

So if you’ve a question to ask and you want to make a statement on Valentine’s Day…

Then it’s Istanbul for romance.

America, Countries, Europe, Ireland

It’s EaZzzzzy with Holidos and Don’ts

13th February 202213th February 2022 funtime65

A redeye and no Aircoach… fear not it’s EaZzzzzy with Holidos and Don’ts.

Your globetrotting Bandanaman is hotfooting it over to his spiritual homeland of Ireland tomorrow morning.

But such are the vagaries of North Berwick, 15 miles east of Edinburgh, that there is no aircoach from outside my door.

As there was 24-7 in Greystones, Co. Wicklow.

And so I have the options of a £75 taxi from Castle Murty, asking The Scary One to give me an early morning lift.

Or grabbing the last train (hopefully it’s on as the slightest puddle causes cancellations).

And bunking for the night at the airport… I’ve ruled out the £100 hotel rates.

So the Holidos and Donts.

A site for sore eyes

It helps if you’re in any of the airports flagged up by the excellent Sleeping in Airports site.

And you’ll notice that most of their followers’ recommendations are in stopover airports in Asia.

But there are some old faves too in Europe and America.

Best for a layover

On the right track: Turkish Airlines Business Class

In Istanbul’s award-winning Turkish Airlines Business Class lounge sure but also in their rest rooms with privacy walls while they also have shower rooms.

But also in Schiphol Airport in Amsterdam where they have designated rest zones and plenty of amenities including a casino, fitness facilities, a library and a museum.

Denver too gets a shout-out probably because I spent longer there than anywhere… eight hours after being dropped off after my Wild West odyssey in Colorado.

And you’ll become an expert in putting with their 18-hole green on the balcony… and an arts aficionado with their excellent gallery.

Check it out: Munich check-in at Oktoberfest

Oh, and as for the rest the massages come highly recommended.

Munich Airport falls into the same category, and what it lacks for in ease for getting from one gate to the next when you misread your ticket it makes up for with helpful staff.

Arriving there just before the Oktoberfest you’ll find the staff dressed in Bavarian lederhosens.

And if you’re lucky then you’ll get the same Bertha who changed my ticket for a later one when I’d missed my original forwarding flight to Athens.

Dublin’s lair city

Now that I’ve had my accommodation taken care of by my friends in Ireland who are running the international travel network I won’t have to worry about kipping in Dublin Airport.

But there’s a sleeping pod with my name on it which I’ve bagsied in the past and no doubt will again.

And just to make sure your layover goes well a few tips.

*Lock your bags when you’re asleep and keep them wrapped around your shoulders.

*Put the alarm clock on your mobile to make sure you don’t miss the flight.

*And make sure you’re next to a plug socket just in case your mobile which has your boarding pass and Covid details and locator form on it is charged up.

See it’s EaZzzzzy with Holidos and Don’ts.

Countries, Europe, Flying

Turkish Airlines’ 12-hour flit

19th January 202219th January 2022 funtime65

You pack the box in and pull down the car boot but the glass smashes… this house mover should have asked Ilker Ayci, mastermind of Turkish Airlines’ 12-hour flit.

If you’re in the middle of a house move and wondering how you’ll get it all done in time then check out National Geographic’s documentary which showed this week.

And see how TA moved 5,000 workers and 47,300 tons of materials (that’s 33 football pitches) from Atatürk Airport to Istanbul Airport in 2019 in half a day.

Mega relocation

In there somewhere: At Turkish Airlines H

The national flag carrier paused all flights for 12 hours for the ‘Mega Relocation’.

Throw in 12,000 parcel and some 1,000 vehicles and what you have amounts to a military exercise.

I’ve had the pleasure of enjoying TA’s hospitality both at Ataturk and Istanbul Airports.

And had the privilege of being invited behind the scenes at TA HQ and even got to fly a plane myself.

The pilot episode

The simulator gave me the chance to fly in over the Hudson at JFK Airport in New York.

And to witness the rescue operation complete with slide and ice pool where the staff learn the drills.

In truth, if you’d been on my plane and had me as your pilot you’d have needed to know how to slide and plunge.

As I overshot the runway and skidded off it.

It’s always best to leave it to the experts.

TA is the business

Boy Racer: In Turkish Airlines Business Class

And TA is the world’s fourth largest flight network and flies to 315 international destinations in Europe, Asia, Africa and the Americas.

And that makes it the largest mainline carrier in the world by number of passenger destinations.

Anyone who has flown with TA will have enjoyed the experience thoroughly.

And particularly if you’ve treated yourself to their world-beating Business Class with its Flying Chef and sleeping booths.

You’ll appreciate it if you happen to be en route to one of their long-haul dream destinations like Kuramathi in the Maldives.

The layovers of layovers

And the airport layovers to beat all layovers.

The Turkish Airlines Business Lounge where you can drive on the range (I’m safer there), the model fast cars, go the cinema, have a nap and massage.

And eat, drink and be merry.

And to think they did all this on Turkish Airlines’ 12-hour flit.

Asia, Countries, Deals

Stand up for the Stans

11th January 202211th January 2022 funtime65

As the eyes of the world, the ones that aren’t on Novak Djokavic and Australia, are focused on Kazakhstan today we’d like to stand up for the Stans.

I don’t have to tell you that there are seven in Central Asia…

Kazakhstan, Tajikistan, Uzbekistan, Kyrgyzstan, Turkmenistan, Afghanistan, and Pakistan.

Some we know better than others.. I was schooled in a Pakistani area of Glasgow.

Afghanistan instantly conjures up war but boasts history and culture galore and Kazakhstan is more than the land of Borat.

And some know the Stans better than others.

Such as my cousin’s husband, a health administration professional who is only the Aga Khan’s go-to-man when it comes to managing hospitals in the Stans.

And so when the news feeds told us Kazakhstan was the size of Western Europe I was able to impress my circle.

Silky smooth

You dancer: And you can learn what it means too

It also helps to be on speaking terms with Wendy Wu and her team who know Asia like the back of their hands.

And maybe to have done your homework,. although Joanna Lumley’s The Silk Road is the sort of assignment I would have loved at school.

So if you’re a fan of turquoise domes, yurts and the Silk Road read on…

Wendy is offering a 12-day tour of Uzbekistan from £2,885pp Classic Group Tour which is a saving of £405pp going out on either Friday, April 5th.

Uzbeki the uzbest

It’s not all traditional: East meets West

Our old friends at Turkish Airlines fly to Tashkent from London (from £452), Birmingham (£496), Manchester (£524) and Edinburgh (£511).

So what makes Uzbeki the uzbest?

You’ll kick off in Tashkent, where you’ll remember from Joanna’s show the magnificent Metro station.

And, yes, it knocks the Tube and Glasgow’s Magic Roundabout into the ha’penny place.

Above ground you will marvel at the Khast Imam Complex, home to the Alisher Navoi Opera and Ballet Theatre.

And the Chorsu Bazaar, a vast open-air market found in the heart of the old city.

Khiva is one of the country’s oldest cities so if you’re into old monuments (Mrs M clearly is) and historical Islamic universities you’ll get your money’s worth.

Joanna sought out a man who’s been making sheepskin chugirma hats for centuries, if you’re looking for a souvenir to go along with your fridge magnet.

Talking of which, you’ll want to earn your bread when you’re there…

So why not seek out a traditional Uzbek bread-making class.

Alexander… it’s great

Greek is the word: Alexander loved it here

Like Joanna, you’ll get to check out Samarkand.

It’s only one of the world’s oldest still-inhabited cities, and its centrepiece is Registan square.

And it has the recommendation of none less than Alexander the Great.

Samarkand’s architect Tamerlane is buried in the Gur Emir Mausoleum which you’ll tick off your list.

As well as the necropolis Shah-i-Zinda and the magnificent Bibi-Khanym Mosque, hailed as one of the most impressive in the Islamic world.

Any trip to a Muslim country wouldn’t be complete without a trip to a Bazaar.

And having taken in the Grand Bazaar with Turkish Airlines in Istanbul, I’d be onto you if you missed out.

Try the bustling Siyob Bazaar in Samarkand… a trip to a traditional factory to learn about silk paper making.

And the wines that have been enjoyed here for centuries.

All the more reason to Stand up for the Stans.

Although after all that shopping and drinking you’ll need to lie down.

Asia, Countries, Europe

In Bodrum it’s the pipe of peace

3rd August 20213rd August 2021 funtime65

The Son and Heir was more used to me ordering a coffee and a biscuit, but when in Bodrum it’s the pipe of peace.

Well they say that in life you should try everything (and that would include the shisha pipe) once.

By hookah, by crook

Smokin’: The hookah

You probably need to be from Turkey, the Middle East or North Africa, to pull off the kasbah chic look.

And so that when I joined the shisha gang next in Istanbul and Jordan I declined the pipe of peace.

My cuppa tea

Instead I just sipped my mint tea and watched the regulars play chess.

In Bodrum. I dare say there were more than a few Bobby Fischers, but on our first days in the marketplace it was backgammon.

They played a different, more fast-paced game than the one me and my Mum would play back in the stuffy Glasgow suburbs.

It wouldn’t have gone down well to chain smoke in front of my Dear Old Mum, exhort Allah or slam my counters down.

Chairman of the board

The cry of Ally filled the air too in Bodrum when I would try to bring the Son and Heir back into line.

And would discover a market trader swirling the six-year-old in the air exclaiming Ally!

They would look out for the boy every day with the Arabic name every day when we would walk through the market.

We had made instant friends.

And we would enjoy a family holiday we still look back on with joy 20 years later.

A slice of Turkey

I would fall in love with Turkey, its Turkish barbers, mud baths and Turkish dancers.

Which is why my heart breaks to see the wildfires around Bodrum.

And holidaymakers evacuating for rescue boats.

The Turks have suffered particularly badly through the pandemic.

So the wildfires must feel like the last straw.

Flying Turkey

Inevitably, and not without some evidence, the climate change zealots are taking excessive joy out of the situation.

I, of course, do not have the answer. But I would say that we cannot glibly just say make it more difficult to fly.

As exploring foreign countries, meeting the locals and making their friendship is the best way of breaking down barriers.

Because when they do get back on their feet, remember in Bodrum it’s the pipe of peace.

America, Countries, Europe, Sport

Open again for golf

15th July 202115th July 2021 funtime65

A lot has happened in the last two years since I sat drenched on the banks of the Royal Portrush greens but now we’re Open again for golf,

It is doubtful whether the demure folk of Royal St George’s in Sandwuch, Kent on the English south coast will holler their man home.

The way the Northern Irish did County Offaly’s Shane Lowry on that deluge of a day in County Antrim.

Champion Golfer

Shane has been a unique Champion Golfer of the Year in that his reign has spanned two years.

After last year’s tournament was cancelled because of Covid.

A bit like your Travel Editor of the Year who was honoured by Irish Travel as their Travel Editor of the Year in 2019 before the world shut down.

And is yet to truly open again.

Ben Sayers outside my house in North Berwick

Golfers have, of course, been waiting excitedly to get their clubs packed again for foreign trips.

Shane knows he has little to worry from this direction as I usually stick to the driving range.

But here’s a mixed bag of my golfing misadventures abroad. Fore!

Quatre en France

The Old Course, Cannes, France: And continental Europe’s oldest course is where to play with Cannes’ Fast Set.

You’ll even have la joie of traversing a small stream between holes on a boat.

But be sure to remember the international language of golf when slicing your shot.

As I was reminded by the match behind to shout Fore. Needless to say it wasn’t Bryson DeChambeau!

My Ryder

Quinta do Lago, Portugal: Word had obviously reached Paul McGinley and his Golf Academy in the Algarve.

That I was open for golf again.

My driving was better than my riding with me going off road on our cycle and almost ending up with the spoonbill birds.

Another round in Vegas

Topgolf, Las Vegas: And in Vegas the pitchers are the jugs of booze.

They come to your golf range table with chicken wings and dips. And it helps with your golf driving.

As I also found on a Liverpool course as a guest of Irish Ferries and Jameson Whiskey where a drinks trolley would come round every few holes.

What a Player

Royal Liverpool, Hoylake, Wirral: The north-west of England rivals Scotland as Golfland and where I wrote a golf column.

And where I got the tip that a Japanese TV station were filming a round with Gary Player and would I like to join them.

While I channeled my inner Gary at the Press round before an Open and putted back off the clubhouse wall as Gary did in ‘74.

Turk that

Turkish Airlines Lounge, Istanbul Airport: And the dream of golf nuts who will find every opportunity to play…

An airport lounge driving range on the way back from Istanbul.

Just go easy on the cornucopia of food and drink at the TA lounge or you’ll follow through.

So we’re Open for golf again and there’s an Open invitation to you all to come and see us in North Berwick, East Lothian, Scotland.

Although my cousin Greg is still avoiding me after he stood too close to me on the tee box at North Berwick Golf Club

When we were kids and I clunked him on the head. Fore!