They sound like something out of Game of Thrones but VIVA the Danube’s Iron Gates are all too real and more dramatic than anything in George RR Martin’s world.
The Iron Gates, for those who are not too familiar with the great river gateway of central Europe, are the natural border between Serbia and Romania.
An 83-mile route, with the last barrier, the Kazan (Great Boiler) gorge being the narrowest and most breathtaking at just 15om just beyond the Romanian city of Orsova.
And what’s more Lepenski Vir in Serbia in the gorge and on the banks of the Danube is mooted as being the oldest planned settlement in Europe at 13,000 years ago.
Long before we’d hazard those Starks and their dragons were around.
Move aside Winterfell
Someone’s looking at you: The gorge
Now all this will naturally pull in any of us who have enjoyed the charms of the Danube.
And even more so with VIVA Cruises tempting us with a gentle amble through its waters.
The 11-night ‘The Danube’s Iron Gates’, sailing on VIVA TWO departs Passau on September 6.
With ports of call including Bratislava, Belgrade, Donji Milanovac, Novi Sad and an overnight in Ilok.
Then on to Aljmas, Budapest, Hainburg and Vienna, Dürnstein; and Melk.
Many of those stop-offs sounding like they’ve come straight out of Winterfell.
With prices starting from €2950, the campaign comprises a free cabin upgrade and onboard credit.
VIVA the river
Buda blessed: On the Danube
In addition, a reduced single supplement of 20 per cent is available for applicable solo bookings.
The offer is valid on 65 river cruises departing in 2026, with prices listed for Emerald deck cabins.
And if you can’t extend to 11 nights on VIVA TWO then there is a seven-night Danube from Vienna, sailing on VIVA MOMENTS from €1795pp.
Or a seven-night Whispers of the Rhone, sailing on VIVA VOYAGE, departing Lyons and flowing through France, from €1695pp.
Gentle sweep: Past Danube towns
While there’s a seven-night Waterways of the North, sailing on VIVA ONE through the Low Countries from €1795pp.
Guests will receive €25pp onboard spending money on cruises of up to six nights.
And €50pp for voyages of more than seven nights in duration.
The credit can be used for shore excursions, spa treatments and in onboard retails shops.Cabin upgrades will be applied to the next higher cabin category.
With the stay and flights from Dublin coming in at a festive fun price of from €135pps.
And you’ll be located in Budapest city centre with the St. Stephen’s Basilica.
And its parliament on the shores of the Danube only five metro rides away.
Let us eat cakes
But make sure that you validate your ticket so you don’t get stung for an on-spot fee.
Which will kill your vibe after your pampering at the outdoor baths.
And goulash and Chimney Cake at the Great Market Hall.
Now your Chimney Cake if you’ve never been to Hungary (and you should) is a moreish pastry that everyone eats in cafes and we daresay at home.
Kürtőskalács as its called in the Magyars’ famously difficult language is, we’re told, easy to make.
Working it off: Hungarian open-air baths
And a special touch is to use empty beer cans wrapped in kitchen foil to wrap the cake around.
And then roll it in cinnamon sugar for a caramelised coating.
We can trust you, of course, to empty the beer cans responsibly and that you’ll try to make them Saproni or Dreher.
Now we’ve shamelessly sifted the Best of Hungary site for the recipe.
Chimney cake is smokin’
Sift the flour into a bowl and mix with the salt. Heat the milk until lukewarm, add the sugar and yeast, then cover and let it rise for 8-12 minutes.
Add the yeast mixture, egg, and melted butter to the flour and knead it into a flexible dough. Cover with a kitchen towel and let it rest for 1 hour until the dough doubles in size.
Place the rested dough on a lightly floured surface. Using a rolling pin, roll it out to the thickness of your finger. Cut it lengthwise into 2 cm wide strips.
Sprinkle your fairy dust: On your Chimney Cake
Mix the sugar and cinnamon together. Wrap the empty beer can in kitchen foil and grease the foil using some oil. Take a strip of dough and roll it tightly onto the greased can. Brush the dough with oil then roll it in cinnamon sugar.
Place the chimney cake in an oven preheated to 200 degrees for 20-25 minutes until golden brown.
We’re sure Santy will thank you after he slides down the sooty chimney to find the Chimney cake laid out for him at the bottom.