Which I do after the Son and Heir drained my Czech licquer with his pals on one of the occasions we left him with a Free House.
And he defensively told me that he would replace it after thinking that I would be duped by him and his Daft Pals leaving just a dribble at the bottom.
So if it’s Pittsburgh or Prague, Montpellier or Santiago be sure to get on board and get those stickers on your suitcase.
To show off, of course, but also to ensure your luggage stands out on the carousel.
My old colleague, The Other Jim, is, of course, well-travelled and his boots well-trodden but even he wilted under the Canarian sun… then again no man gets left behind on a Tenerife trek.
You may well have seen the esteemed James Gallagher, with whom I shared a parish for years in Ireland, striding along a lane near you.
Now, of course, have boots, will travel, is the TD motto and they will guide you through the multi-faceted, multi-climate zone, idyll that is Tenerife.
You’ll be based in the town of Puerto de la Cruz and enjoy the volcanic black beaches of Playa Jardín.
Mojo rojo: In Tenerife with Matthew Hirtes
Your guide will lead you on trails through Teide National Park, offering stunning views of Mount Teide.
You’ll explore the lush laurel forests and rugged cliffs of Teno Rural Park.
And trek the historic Las Vueltas Footpath in Anaga Rural Park.
The volcanic landscapes of Montana Samara.
And visit the ancient caves of the indigenous inhabitants within Corona Forestal Nature Park.
A walk for all
The gang: Our Spanish guides
You’ll travel on February 5 with prices from €1,719pp.
The seven-night trip will offer moderate routes on each walking day.
And is ideal for moderately experienced or experienced walkers, and Our Jim.
The average daily walking distance on moderate walks is between 7.6km-12.85km.
With ascents between of between 369-730m.
And a maximum daily walking duration of up to four and a half hours.
A Teide packet
Peak walking: Teide Park
TD offers €100pp off tours departing before April 1 use code WALKING100.
Explore magnificent natural scenery & impressive hiking trails on this walking holiday in Tenerife.
There will be five guided walking trips through diverse terrains & national parks.
Experience highlights like Mount Teide, Anaga Rural Park & Montana Samara.
Unwind after hikes on the volcanic black sand beaches of Playa Jardín.
Your seven nights will be spent in a three-star half board hotel with flights and transfers from Dublin.
Of course, you soon find if you spend any time in Spain that the Camino is ubiquitous.
As are the providers, such as Camino Ways, who do all the heavy work for us.
While we eat, drink and chat our way to our destinations in mainland Spain and in the Canaries.
Which we found out on baking hot days (the way we like them) in Tenerife.
With their then recently launched Canaria Ways trails.
When we were blindsided (maybe the sun) by the sign we saw.
When taking one of our famous detours from the designated route… for the above, Camino Portugal.
See, I told you we were well and truly lost… unlike this local who knew her way around.
Gran old walk
Going for a walk in Tenerife
The thing is that there is indeed a designated Camino route on the Canaries, but it’s in Gran Canaria.
And that the first Camino outside of mainland Spain has been in existence for as long as your pilgrim here has been alive, and that’ll be since 1965.
It’s a 66km itinerary, within our wheelhouse of 100km which we covered to get our certificate.
Tagged the Camino among the Volcanoes, you will be able to visit the Maspalomas Lighthouse and Oasis, the Arteara Necropolis (the island’s largest aboriginal cemetery, no us neither).
The whitewashed village of Fataga and the small hilltop town of Tunte, among other attractions.
There’s the Degollada Becerra (a viewpoint looking out onto a gorge and mountains) which we’re told is the most renowned skyline in Gran Canaria.
While our Gran Canarian amigos advise and insist we’ll be feasting out on the local cheese.
Which is called Queso de Flor with vino too we’d demand.
Not to mention the historic town of Gáldar with its Museum and Archaelogical Park.
With rock drawings, the Cueva Pintada, so we will mention it.
But the Canarians have been looking even further afield by pitching an immersive Camino throughout their islands.
And it serves Tenerife, La Gomera, La Palma and El Hierro.
Their Camino is divided into eight stages, totalling 172 kms, finishing at the temple in Gáldar.
With pilgrims, or peregrinos, gaining indulgences and collecting that all-important certificate.
Canarian pilgrims will start in Buenavista del Norte and Santiago del Teide.
And will visit towns such as Garachico with its natural volcanic rock pools, which was named the most beautiful town in Spain, and we’re not surprised.
You’ll also visit the Orotava Valley, towns such as Icod de los Vinos, San Cristóbal de la Laguna and the capital, Santa Cruz.
This way
Making mojo rojo In Tenerife with Matthew Hirtes
Before taking the ferry to Gran Canaria, to the port of Las Nieves in Agaete.
And after 13 kilometres you’ll be there in the Plaza de Santiago.
In front of the Jacobean Temple of the City of the Knights of Gáldar.
There’s no denying that Rio is the world’s biggest carnival with two million people taking to the streets but a quarter of a million attend the Santa Cruz carnival on the island.
So what’s it all about and when is it?
Well, it’s rooted in Christian tradition and so that’s two weeks before Ash Wednesday.
And for those of you who forgot that man that thou art dust and unto dust thou shalt return then that’s January 20-February 26.
And now for the history
Party Girls: Bandanaman and his walking troupe
The history of the Carnival falls into three distinct periods…
The Iberians’ religiosity, the more spirited Twenties-orientated festival and the reinvention of the party from 1961 when it took on many of the features we enjoy today.
Now for a timetable of event and what it all mean we got the Tinerfenos to do the heavy lifting.
And with memories of our hike on the island with CanariaWays and our walk through the ages we know they do it far better than us.
So over to them.
The Queen of Tenerife
Spanish meal anyone: And preparing the dish of the day
And that would be Eva from our walk up to Afur which she took in her stride and then did yoga up at the Franco-themed bar (don’t ask).
And I’d vote for her for the Carnival Queen.
15 February – Carnival Queen Election Gala
The Carnival Queen Election Gala is when the Carnival Queen is crowned, who is chosen amongst over a dozen candidates.
The contestants wear the most spectacular costumes, made mainly of feathers, plastic, metal and rhinestones and weighing up to 400kg.
And this year we will see the first-ever junior Gala King.
Reign on our parade
Queen for a day: The carnival
And what would a carnival be without the sing-song?
17 February – Opening Parade of the Carnival
The carnival is a sea of colour, featuring the lead Carnival Queen.
Murga street music groups, comparsa bands and rondallas playing traditional old carnival songs parading down the streets of Santa Cruz.
All in it together
Take to the streets: On Tenerife
And that means a dance.
21 February – Big Carnival Parade in Santa Cruz
The Coso Apoteosis is arguably the highlight of the entire festivities.
Visitors from all around the world flock to Anaga Avenue in Santa Cruz to witness the spectacle.
It features all the Carnival Queens and Carnival groups, floats, incredible dance routines and musical performances.
Catch of the day
Packed in like… sardines
Now Spaniards and Canarians have their own particular take on carnivals which means:
22 February 2023: Burial of the Sardine – A humorous and grotesque procession of mourners saying goodbye to the carnival celebrations.
19 February & 25 February 2023: Daytime Carnival – A popular event for children and families, featuring plenty of activities to keep all entertained.
26 February 2023: Parade of Vintage Cars, Piñata and End of Party – And there’s nothing like whacking a bag of sweeties to get the juices flowing.
Free-for-all
Me-me and Dee-Dee at Crop Over in Barbados
In addition to the ticketed official carnival events, there are a number of spontaneous street events/activities to enjoy for free.
We’re advised that one of these night carnival parties is a must.
And we know all about what dancing in the dark is all about from Crop Over in Barbados.
And a glossary
Echoes of the Canaries: And special wine
Of course, when you’re in Espana then it helps to have a couple of words.
Albergue, meaning hostel, and pulpo, the Spanish word for octopus.
Carnival Groups
A carnival group is a group of people who work together creating ideas, costumes, music, choreography, who all march together in the parade.
Tenerife Carnival features hundreds of different groups but two of the key ones to look out for are below:
Murgas: The Murgas are Spanish carnival groups that feature satire artists, performing songs about current political and world events.
Comparsas: The “comparsas” represent the Brazilian influence on Tenerife’s Carnival, filling it with rhythm, colour and joy.
Nowadays, the comparsas own the street with the undeniable quality of their live performances to surprise even the most frequent carnival-goers on their nights out.
Rondallas: The Rondallas are carnival groups that consist of only guitars, bandurrias, lauds and octavinas.
And of course there is a museum celebrating it all…
At La Casa Del Carnaval, located in Barranco de Santos next to the bridge Puente Galcerán
Maybe add to that glossary for next year Noo Yoikas… because they want to be a part of it Tenerife.
And all the focus on COP26 just along the road in Glasgow has got us all thinking about water, the source of life… and prompting us to bring you Holidos and don’ts where to drink the water.
And particularly when we think back on how we were always warned against drinking the water when we were abroad (mostly in those days, Spain).
Sup up: And something to clench your thirst
The fact though is that Spain is safe to drink from the tap and so there is no need to buy plastic bottled water from the supermercato.
Even better, of course, is to find yourself a stream in the country, and better still if you can stumble upon a Camino along the way and follow it through the Santiago.
La Citta Eterna, of course, prides itself on its water.
The fountains which are around every corner and in every piazza.
But also the beautifully adorned taps with carvings of Romulus and Remus and their wolf mother which proliferate around the city.
Wolf down the water: With La Famiglia underneath the wolf and Romulus and Remus
In the cloying humidity of a Rome heatwave you’ll be glad of a tap to fill up your flask.
And didn’t Silvio Berlusconi just know it when our guide told us that he wanted to start charging the locals for the water… something not even Benito Mussolini dared try.
Back to our friends at Globehunters and they reflect that the UK, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Northern and Western Europe, the US and Japan have the best water.
All of which means that you need to take more care in south-eastern Europe, much of Asia, Africa, Central America and South America and it pains me to say the Caribbean (although ‘rum is mi only medicine’ there).
Holy water
Water of life: In the Pyrenees
There are, of course, parts of the world, those where Our Lady has visited, where the water is straight from Heaven.
And yes, I know, that all water comes from the heavens, although a politician in Ireland when I was living there didn’t.
When he railed against the idea of water charges by saying just that ‘that it was’t as if water fell from the heavens’.
The Maryest of Marian sites is, of course, Lourdes, where the Pyrenees water in Cauterets is among the purest and spirited of anywhere.
So be sure to sup from the streams and the waterfalls.
Your own water
Wait for it: Guinness and its magic Irish water
It was always a matter of great pride that your own country had the best water.
And this has always been credited as the magic ingredient of Ireland’s famous Guinness stout.
And Scotch and Irish whisk(e)y.
So now we’re all back out on the road then look out for the taps in towns, and the streams and waterfalls in the country.
And fill up your flasks.
Ditch the plastic
Heat map: Of where is best to drink your water
It also tastes better when it’s not out of a plastic bottle.
And the fishies in the seas, my old pal Mother Turtle Vanessa in the Maldives, and our future generations will thank you.
Be warned too that now we’re all travelling again I’m hardly going to stop here with Holidos and don’ts where to drink the water.
And I’ll back with more Holidos and don’ts… in the blog that’s not all blah, blah, blah.
Well, at least, not the type of blah that will destroy our beautiful blue planet.
There was an award-winning editor Murty (and try to keep it clean) and while you’re at it I’ll give you some thoughts on World Poetry Day and corners of some foreign fields.
My own holiest of holies is Alloway in Scotland where our national bard Robert Burns, who inspired everyone from William Wordsworth to Bob Dylan, grew up.
For the world, there is to misquote Rupert Brooke a corner of some foreign field which is forever poetry.
War poetry
War memories: The Somme
I wish the sea were not so wide
that parts me from my love,
I wish the things men do below
were known to God above.
I wish that I were back again
in the Glens of Donegal;
they’ll call me coward if I return,
but a hero if I fall.’
PATRICK MACGILL – LONDON IRISH REGIMENT
(INSCRIPTION ON MEMORIAL STONE AT ISLAND OF IRELAND PEACE PARK, MESSINES)
And no Patrick MacGill hasn’t gone down in history and exam questions like Wilfred Owen for his thoughts on World War I.
But in their darkest hour soldiers have penned some of the most stirring words which will bring a lump to the throat of anyone who sees where they fell which of course you can see on a World War Battlefields Tour.
The Road to Rome
Soothe your feet: On the road to Rome
When silence falls, things start talking,
stones, animals, plants become brothers and sisters.
And they tell us what we cannot see.’
ERNST JUNGER, SIGN IN ETRUSCAN TOWER IN FORMELLO ON THE VIA FRANCIGENA
Not sure how it sounds in his native German or if it’s even poetry.
I’m a traditionalist who likes my poems to rhyme as those who will have seen me at the Edinburgh Fringe can testify.
There is a pleasure in the pathless woods,
There is a rapture on the lonely shore,
A society where none intrudes,
By the deep Sea, and music in its roar:
I love not Man the less, but Nature more,
From these our interviews, in which I steal
From all I may be, or have been before,
To mingle with the Universe, and feel
What I can ne’er express, yet cannot all conceal.
LORD BYRON, CHILDE HAROLD
And it was to Interlaken and the Eiger in Switzerland where Lord Byron, who was up to his neck in society gossip over his private life, took exile.
Byron was considered ‘mad, bad and dangerous to know’ and was a real rock’n’roller of his time.
But his poetry was amongst the most beautiful of all time which is probably why he was such a hit with the ladies.
This passage though shows that Byron was a man ahead of his time with this love song to nature and appeal to protect our environment.
All of which I’ll reflect on as I read some of the best poetry around (mine) and think of World Poetry Day and corners of some foreign fields.
You’d expect Father Ted’s housekeeper, Mrs Doyle, to either snub the Turkish tea.
Or lay into it on Pilgrimage: The Road to Istanbul.
Mrs Doyle, aka Pauline McLynn, is yet to reveal her true self on the BBC2 show, next on on Friday, March 26 and available on Catch Up.
She, in fact, comes across as a bit ditzy and not at all religious.
Here come the girls: Edwina Currie, Fatima Whitbread and Pauline McLynn
I can vouch for that.
With Pauline effing and blinding like a true modern-day daughter of Ireland when I met her.
She was the speaker at an Australian Irish Chamber of Commerce lunch in Dublin.
My cup of tea
I was as a guest of the-then newly opened Flight Centre store in Dawson Street.
Pauline is joined on the Sultans Trail by six other celebrities, only four others who I recognise.
That’ll be javelin queen Fatima Whitbread, sports presenter Adrian Chiles, ex-politician Edwina Currie and comedian (and I use that term loosely) Dom Joly.
Here come the boys: Dom Joly, Mim Shaikh, Amar Latif and Adrian Chiles
The Sultans Trail is new to me.
But not the pilgrims who have been walking sections of the 2,200km stretch from Vienna to Istanbul.
Our super seven set out from Belgrade, and I am surprised that they didn’t check out its hidden palace.
What’s in a name?
And they make their way through Serbia and a little bit of Greece.
On their 1,000km two-week trip to the great city on the Bosphorus.
Our Lady in Medjugorje
In the first episode we see them walk through forests, pick lemons, climb castles (and one pilgrim, Amar Latif is blind).
And partake in a Serbian celebration to Our Lady. She’s big in the Balkans.
Before in a few episodes’ time we reach Istanbul and the Suleymaniye Mosque.
Cruise the Bosphorus
Istanbul is one of the great cities of the world.
And it has at various times been known also as Byzantium and Constantinople.
With Onur in Istanbul