Now as I’ve still so much to learn I rely on the dream-makers, our holiday providers, to teach me… and I know that every day’s a Tropical Sky schoolday.
Because Tropical Sky it was who schooled me in snorkelling after earlier false starts in Barbados.
I’ve picked up a number of other attributes on the way.
All these skills and a few more, tobogganing, scootering, paddel (a hybrid between squash and tennis) and paddle boarding I’ve also picked up along the way.
Although I was for once tongue-tied when asked to blow my own trumpet (still to do that one) by the inimitable Marsha in Tobago.
Picture perfect: With SLM & Marsha in Tobago
When she asked our party what we were good at.
And while my colleague (and her favourite) Vic wowed her with his acumen in building his own house.
My claims of being a poet from my time at the Edinburgh Fringe didn’t impress her and she pipes up: ‘Jim, you got no skills.’
Of course I showed off me skills while seeing off Vic at the goat racing with Marsha watching. No kiddin’!
All of which came to mind while browsing through the list of activity holidays Tropical Sky have to offer in their latest mail drop.
Antigua, set and match
Holding court: Curtain Bluff Hotel
Curtain Bluff hotel, Antigua: Anyone for learning tennis, and the five-star Curtain Bluff Hotel, in verdant Antigua.
Look out for Antigua Tennis Week each Spring and Tennis Challenge Week in November.
A seven-night AI stay at Curtain Bluff Hotel, with flights from London Gatwick, arriving 20 May, is from £3,679 pps.
Curry favours in Sri Lanka
What a curry-on: Jimmy in the kitchen
Anantara Kalutara Resort, Sri Lanka: Now I’ve another of my go-to holiday providers, G Adventures, to thank for teaching me the secrets of curry making.
Not all of them mind, I could still do with Spices Cooking School at Anantara Kalutara Resort to fill in the rest.
Recipe for dis master: The Dhal
Their interactive classes see you explore the spice markets with the chef and pick out the ingredients before tucking into your meal with Prosecco.
A seven-nighter, arriving 12 June is from £1,629 pps half-board with return flights from London Heathrow.
Cookery classes can be booked for an additional cost of £124 pp.
Wild West Hero
Cowboys and eejits: Colorado
Tanque Verde Ranch, Arizona: Now forgive me if I retell the story of how I ran into a cowboy ex-Aberdeen University classmate in the baking sun on the Great Plains.
And I asked him as he taught me how to ride a horse if he missed the sub-zero temperatures of the north-east of Scotland.
Now Tropical tell us that nestled amidst the desert and mountains of Tucson is the Tanque Verde Ranch.
A six-nighter at Tanque Verde Ranch, arriving 12 June from £2,649 pps, sharing a Road Runner Sala on full board basis.
With return flights from London Heathrow with Tropical sister company www.americansky.co.uk).
Painter Lucia
Picture perfect: The artist
Anse Chastenet: In St Lucia is a long way from Joe Reilly’s art class painting apples that looked like men’s parts.
As it happens it took my Tobagonian pals to make an artist of me and show that I could paint… in this case a mill.
The Anse Chastenet is nestled within a 600-acre estate with beaches, coral reefs and views of the Pitons.
Let artist Naja Misaki Simeon take you on a group class on Tuesdays and Wednesdays or opt for private sessions for a fee.
A seven-nighter AI at Anse Chastanet, arriving 12 June, is from £2,449 pps with return flights from London Gatwick.
Atoll order
Let atoll commence: Kuramathi
Fushifaru Maldives: Now what to do when you’re caught between a coral and a hard place.
As I was in Kuramathi when swallowing water I tried to stop on the Indian Ocean floor.
Only to be scolded for killing the coral while it was cutting my feet!!
Snorkelling was my limit but if you want to extend yourself to scuba diving Best Dives at Fushifaru Maldives will show you how.
A seven-nighter AI at Fushifaru Maldives, arriving 20 May is from £3,299pps with return flights from London Heathrow.
And that the Coloradans buried a vagrant there and claimed it was Bill, while they have the real man.
Bill and his pals
Ride ’em: Channeling my Buffalo Bill
To cover our bases though, and because his legend has endured from the days his Rough Riders rode into my own hometown of Glasgow I paid homage on our Coloradan trip.
And learned of Buffalo Bill and the move to Cody Yellowstone, Wyoming.
Big Chief: Sitting Bull
And learned of his friendship with Sitting Bull, Annie Oakley and how he had the great and good of the Old and New Worlds eating out of his hand.
So it will come as little surprise to you then that he brought Teddy Roosevelt and the Prince of Monaco to Cody’s Hunting Lodge… there’s a party.
It’s an enclave of 27 authentic frontier buildings, including one used by Butch Cassidy and his Hole-in-the-Wall Gang.
Leaving on a jet plane: United
Now our Wild West heroes used horses, stagecoaches, trains, and in Bill’s case the ship to get about.
You, of course, can get out to Cody by big bird with United Airlines, a 13hr 19mins trip from London, via Denver, and into Bill’s birthplace from €1,055pp.
The geezer in Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming erupts every 44 minutes to two hours, rather less frequently than the Scary One.
And it is known to spew 3,700 to 8,400 gallons of boiling water to a height of 106 to 185ft feet lasting from a minute and half to five minutes.
Wyoming lays claim to most of the 3,500sq mile Yellowstone Park, while Montana and Idaho also own some of it.
And much of it is covered by the Father of the National Parks Scot John Muir, who hails from just along the road from us here in Dunbar, East Lothian.
Wyoming’s footprint on Yellowstone is undeniable but more contentious is their ownership of Buffalo Bill.
Fits the Bill
Buffalo Bill: Rest in peace
A good old Wild West row has brewed ever since William Cody died in 1917 in Denver, Colorado.
The Coloradans make a big thing, as you would, of that and any visitor to Denver should check out The Buffalo Bill Grave and Museum on Lookout Mountain.
Thing is though that the good people of Wyoming claim Bill for themselves and insist that it is a vagrant who rests for eternity in Colorado.
We’ll maybe leave that to Wyoming and Colorado to fight over and just be grateful that it’s double bubble.
Buffalo Bill, of course, was a global star of his time on account of his touring Rough Riders which included one Sitting Bull.
Little Big Horn
Standing: Chief Sitting Bull
And you can see where he and Crazy Horse had their greatest triumph in Little Big Horn, across the border in Montana.
Now if you have a middling or less knowledge of the Mid West don’t beat yourself up over it… as even American History students are always learning.
I don’t know where Ted Ransen is now but I hope he’s on a ranch.
Because he knocked the narrow-minded Scottishness out of me when he told me that if I didn’t know the capital of North Dakota then how should I expect Americans to know the capital of Scotland.
You don’t forget things like this.. it’s Bismarck.
And finally the US is the gift that keeps on giving and you can always rely on America The Old Faithful.