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Go on, go on, go on, Australia

26th January 202626th January 2026 funtime65

Go on, go on, go on, Australia celebrates its national day today and all Aussies and Aussiephiles will be raising a drink to Bruces and Sheilas around the world.

Including, we dare say, Mrs Doyle, yeah, that Mrs Doyle from Father Ted.

Mrs Doyle, aka Pauline McLynn, was special guest at an Australian Chamber of Commerce lunch celebration in Dublin way back when.

And regaled us with a speech, laced with the type of language that would have made Father Dougal blush.

With mention of the map of Tassie, or Tasmania, which Aussies and friends of Kangarooland will be more than familiar.

Hawke around the clock

All, of which, in true Ronnie Corbett style, brings us to today’s comfy armchair story which revolves around former Aussie premier Bob Hawke.

Bob, the typical Aussie bloke that he was, found himself interviewed by a British reporter who asked him how he had got on tracing his roots.

Only for womaniser Bob to misunderstand them.

And assume that he was being asked about his past love life and the Sheilas.

To which he batted back the questions by replying that that would be to kiss and tell.

Aussies Overseas

Our pals Down Under are, of course, proud of their often vulgar Aussiespeak which you’ll quickly pick up on.

If you spend any time in Australia, or with Aussies, as I did.

Over a year spanning two Oktoberfests in Munich.

And the time in between when Brownie, Smutley, PC, Roscoe.

And a revolving door of OS Aussies washed up at our digs in Aberdeen in the north-east of Scotland.

So it was in a campsite outside Munich where I was first introduced to the other meaning of roots.

While staying on a repurposed double decker bus, with beds built in upstairs and a kitchen downstairs.

Which TopDeck had taken to Bavaria with detours to Austria.

The roots of the problem

Now what happens on a Topdeck bus stays on a TopDeck bus.

But suffice to say that the current Mrs M need not worry.

Because while any action was going on I was sleeping off my hangover from the Lowenbrau or Hofbrau huises.

I did though return with a deeply inappropriate T-shirt of an Aussie, complete with cork hat, getting rather too close to a koala.

With the caption ‘Show us your roots.’

An Aussie toast

Hair for the beer: And mine’s is all my own

So, g’day to all my Aussie mates, and to you obviously Smutley, Brownie, PC and Roscoe.

And I’ll toast you how you used to toast us back in the day.

Here’s to me and here’s to you, friends we are, and friends we’ll be.

And if by chance we disagree, well Flip You, and here’s to me.

Caribbean, Countries, Oceania

Malta’s republic a jewel in Britain’s crown

21st October 202421st October 2024 funtime65

It’s the model for the future Commonwealth which has worked for 50 years, Malta’s republic a jewel in Britain’s crown.

Malta is this year marking two big milestones in its 8,000 years history.

With the bigger emphasis currently on its independence 60 years ago.

Independence, many might imagine is still dependence if you’re still run by another’s head of state.

And that most anglophile of former colonies Malta set the tone when they moved from a monarch to their own president in December 1974.

Which is what another of our favourite islands Barbados struck out for three years ago.

Republics in a Commonwealth

It may surprise to see that 36 of the 56 member states in what is now the Commonwealth of Nations are republics.

Although for now Australia where King Charles III is in the eye of the storm from an aboriginal activist senator retains the monarch as their head of state.

The lesson of Malta, Barbados, Australia or anywhere on whom the sun never set is that Britain leaves behind their towel wherever they go.

Malta has taken that to heart with its George Cross award, right-hand roads and red post and telephone boxes.

Which I took back to the motherland in the shape of a telephone box pencil sharpener, or parer.

Britain’s island in the sun

Going for a swim: Malta fan Queen Elizabeth

Of course, it is these reminders of Britannia which has made Malta so popular with limey tourists, Britain’s Med island in the sun.

Ourselves included, over 60 years.

Including Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip, who was stationed here as a naval officer after World War II.

And his successor as Duke of Edinburgh, their youngest Prince Edward and his wife, Sophie, the Duchess.

Come back America and Ireland

As a postscript while there is a movement away from monarchy there are others who want in.

The republics of South Sudan, Sudan and Suriname have formally made applications to join the Commonwealth.

The eligibility rules are to entertain those with ‘a historic constitutional association with an existing Commonwealth member, save in exceptional circumstances.’

And making that topical the ‘exceptional circumstances’ were cited to bring in former Belgian colony Rwanda.

Which was then proposed as a dumping ground by Britain for illegal immigrants.

Britain, of course, always keen to keep all their options open have held the door open to some old colonies.

Meaning the US (Thirteen Colonies), Israel (Mandate for Palestine), Republic of Ireland (Irish Free State), and the Persian Gulf states.

Hold the towel

But while they wait for the telegram, or email as it is today.

Britain, with the Duke and Duchess of Edinburgh holding the towel, will continue to celebrate.

Malta’s republic a jewel in Britain’s crown.

Africa, Asia, Countries, Oceania

You book like a million pounds

12th October 202312th October 2023 funtime65

Because we’re worth it Destinology, who promote themselves as tour operator to the stars and Premier League, like to flatter us by saying… you book like a million pounds.

So sit back, bask in the compliment, and pore jealousy at what you could have won if you had brains in your feet rather than your head.

Destinology has only launched a three-month long once-in-a-lifetime trip to Africa, India, Asia, Australia and Dubai.

Costing a million pounds for a family of four.

The perfect ten

Of course it’s the highest of high end and activities including off the beaten track wildlife and wilderness excursions.

And explorations of some of the most vibrant and cosmopolitan cities in the world.

Accommodation has also been carefully picked to include fancy shmantzy hotels, wilderness lodges, rainforest cabins and glamping.

While air travel is business class or by private helicopter charter.

You’ll take in ten different countries… so that’ll be 100,000 worth of each.

Animal magic

Cool for cats… in the Eastern Cape, South Africa

You’ll kick off in Kigali, Rwanda, including three nights in a Forest Villa in Volcanoes National Park with a gorilla trekking excursion.

Guests are then transferred by private charter helicopter to Akagera National Park for safari… and we’re past masters here.

Sunset Champagne cruises, helicopter tours, a stay at Gorse Elephant Camp, explorations of the Cape Winelands and Treetop villas await in South Africa.

Before travelling to Mauritius for nine nights at the One&Only Le Saint Géran.

And then the Seychelles archipelago for an eight-night stay in a private villa at the secluded Six Senses Zil Pasyon.

Asia major

Most trips to India are rushed but Destinology offers 12 nights.

Plenty of time to explore the heritage, glitz and glamour of Mumbai.

A private culinary walking tour of New Delhi, a visit to Agra – home to the Taj Mahal and the 16th century forts.

Followed by an exploration of Jaipur, famed for its spice markets and Rajput architecture.

The Shangri-La hotel in Bangkok, Thailand, is what you’d expect it to be.

And you’ll be treated to a private Grand Palace tour.

There is a two-night stay in Elephant Hills in a lake view villa and guaranteed Dumbos.

Before heading off on jungle trek and canoe excursions.

And then taking in seven nights in the tranquil Devasom Khao Lak Beach Resort & Villas on the island of Khao Lak.

Singapore is noted for its tasty street food.

So dig in, and be sure to take in the private City and Bay of Gardens Tour.

Before retiring to a Premier Harbour View Room at the Swissotel The Stamford.

Out of the city is the enchanting heart of Bali, Ubud.

With adventures await in the lush oasis including a Monkey Forest and Tegalalang Rice Terraces.

Plus a full day tour of Bali’s lakes and temples.

Seven nights at the refreshing Alila Seminyak follow where the emphasis is on the pristine beaches and spa facilities.

Oz-some

Destinology are all over Australia, of course.

And you’ll get to do Sydney Harbour Bridge, hiking and wildlife in the Blue Mountains, Ayers Rock.

The world’s oldest rainforest at Daintree, and an eco-snorkeling adventure at the Great Barrier Reef.

And if you’re pooped at he end of all that then don’t fret.

Golden Dubai

You’ll finish up with seven nights in Dubai, the ‘City of Gold’.

Now just to get those lottery numbers right.

Because we know you and Destinology are right you book like a million pounds.

So check out the full itinerary here.

Countries, Cruising

Magellan’s sail 500 years

6th September 20226th September 2022 funtime65

Magellan’s sail 500 years. And we will sail 500 more. Yes, it’s half a millennium since Ferdinand Magellan became the first man to sail around the world.

And set in motion the ultimate bucket list, the round-the-world cruise.

Which 450 years later my future Mrs M replicated, albeit another route, and through a now built Panama Canal.

As her family came home on a working ship from her father’s commission in Australia.

Ferdie’s bucket list

For Ferdi, in truth, he didn’t fulfil his bucket list.

He kicked the bucket in the Battle of Mactan in the modern-day Philippines so never did make it back to Seville.

And it was left to Juan Sebastian Elcano to complete the journey.

And isn’t it always the way, you complete the boss’s work and they still get all the credit.

Magellan, we obviously know from school geography and history.

Strait up

And he has his name carved into the map of the world in the Magellan Straits.

The strip at the foot of Chile between the Atlantic and the ocean he modestly named not for himself but the Pacific.

He took the name from the Spanish and Portuguese Mar Pacifico which means peaceful sea.

Now it may have taken 300 years for the first round the world cruise, Cunard’s RMS Laconia, we have been catching up since.

And there’s a swell range of cruises for next year to get away from it all.

Fair winds

So if you wanna stop the world because you want to get off then we’d like to put you onto the cruise specialists.

They’ll do the heavy lifting for you for the Cunards, Princess Cruises, MSC, Royal Caribbean Celebrity Cruises et al.

And that just leaves you to turn off the heating, put the key in the latch and take off.

Because wasn’t that just what Magellan would have done… and he didn’t have any fuel costs to worry about.

Because he worked on wind power, ah… Magellan’s sail 500 years.

Canada, Caribbean, Countries, Europe, Ireland, Oceania, UK

Car hire and higher

21st July 202221st July 2022 funtime65

Off on a road trip, well it’ll cost you because it’s getting car hire and higher out there.

And nowhere more so than my spiritual home Ireland where in some counties they’re a must.

My old mum would oft refer to her homestead of Donegal in north-west Ireland as the ‘forgotten county’.

And it didn’t help when they ripped up the rail tracks in 1959.

Donegal driving

So now if you want to get about you need to either have a car, rent a car…

Or your hotel or B&B can get Eileen to ask Aoife who knows Niamh is passing and can get you halfway.

Where Bladhana can get you to Sorcha, but make sure you’re ready or they’ll leave without you.

By the end of it all, of course, you’ll feel one of the family.

Of course, many of us prefer our independence, but alas that comes at an increasingly greater price.

With DiscoverCars.com revealing the average cost of hiring a car in 2022 rose by 267% on the previous year.

Their data highlights an average increase of 47% worldwide.

With the average cost of a one-day car hire rising from £43 to £67.

So to get on the road in Ireland you’ll shell out £155 (yes, we know they’re in the Euro), up from £42.

Now we would never let a small thing like expense put us off a destination… we’re just giving you the road manual.

On the road again

Obrigado: With the Scary One in Portugal Centro

The world’s second biggest country takes some getting around.

And that no doubt is the spiel for a spike of 264%.

Full reveal here on the third biggest mover here, Portugal-Azore Islands.

Because when we toured Hidden Portugal, Portugal Centro, we had the services of a driver/guide/historian and Coimbra’s most famous son.

Jose Madomis of Madomis Tours.

Now we’ve availed too of the services of our own fellow Britons, ninth with an 85% rise, but still cheaper than the trains.

With Katarina in Bohemian Switzerland in the Czech Republic

The Czech Republic, fifth at 131% but again with a history lesson thrown in… and Becherovka and salty age-defying water.

While Greece is tenth at 81% which may persuade you to do a Pheidippides and run the 26 miles or so from Athens to Marathon.

There’s no rhyme nor reason why the other countries on the list should have seen such hikes.

But Israel, Iceland and Albania are countries where you need wheels because donkeys correctly have rights now.

Slowly does it

Of course with everything on the rise sometimes the best we can hope for are small increases.

And the Canary Islands at just 2% leads the way here.

Though if you do hire a car (at only £25 the cheapest on the list) then why not walk some of the way.

With CanariaWays where you’ll experience the many Tenerife eco-systems before refuelling at the Franco-theme Bar in Afur.

Fly drive

Now for many of us getting behind the wheel of a car in a foreign country requires a deep breath.

And my only attempt, in a Fiat 500 in Cannes, and it’s dashboard gearstick, never got out of the car park.

Although I kept that quiet from the organisers of the Florida Keys road trip.

Alas, but fortunately for other road users, it got cancelled by Covid.

Cut-price cars

Rocky mountain high: Colorado Rockies baseball team

Unbowed, I’ll be back though to the Sunshine State and you will too particularly with a 23% decrease in the hire of a car.

Bookended in the top four is America’s Playground, Colorado.

That’s when you’re not roped into their abseiling, freestyle rock climbing, white water rafting or roadside skiing.

Who is squeezed in between the two, why Guadeloupe and Australia… let’s go Outback.

And let’s not be put off when we see the car hire and higher.

Countries, Culture, Europe, Oceania

There’s nothing like Australia and it’s back

8th February 20228th February 2022 funtime65

There‘s nothing like Australia and it’s back.. and back with a funky calling card.

The bright single strokes (of a kangaroo and sun) are instantly identifiable as being inspired by the Ken Done school

You might not be able to place Ken Done, particularly if you’ve less than half a century on the clock.

But Ken marketed the imagery of Australia in the Eighties when I first started drinking and living with Aussies.

And I would see his Aussie iconography T-shirts on the backs and on sale at the Munich Beerfest.

Well Done

And also on other shores where Ken’s particular talents lent themselves to capturing the essence of their cities.

Ken showcased city landscapes and cultural reference points and as a sample brought out t-shirts of Boston Harbour and Paul Revere.

Alas, I fear on one of my many moves around the UK and Ireland it went missing.

But hopefully someone else has enjoyed the benefit of it or it ended up in a charity shop.

I’m reminded here of the largesse of my old friend, the inimitable Travel journalist JP Thomson, who would give souvenirs to the homeless.

Bonzer Australia

All of which going around the world is what we will all be doing soon now Australia has opened itself up to the rest of the planet.

I’m indebted here too to charming and fun Travel professional Charlotte who has stepped off the Royal Caribbean ships.

And into a new brief at Travel Australia which, of course, she’ll nail.

Charlotte has outlined the regulations for travelling to Australia.

And Novak Djokovic they’re not that difficult to follow.

Memories of Oktoberfest

When you do get over to Oz, or if you’re headed for the renewal of the Oktoberfest you may come across Aussies in risque T-shirts.

Of racy koala bears and a reference to knowing your roots.

And if you do say hi to Brownie and Smutley from me.

Because there’s nothing like Australia and it’s back.