My first cruise captain would regale us with Brazilliant brio and how we all cruise.
He got to know our different nationalities well over steering the big ship and what we each want from a cruise.
An Italian by birth, he had become a naturalised Englishman but was like we all strive to be… a citizen of the world.
And he admitted he took it all on board and off it as his children would point out when he got home.
And he picked them up from school where they would point out his size, him putting on six stone while off on the type of long journey from the UK to Brazil.
Brazil pecs
Golden vision: Brazilians
Cap’n would tell us on our trip around the Western Med of his adventures on the high seas and the people he would meet.
Of the beauty of Santorini, his and many others’ favourite cruise stop, and of the pecadilloes of certain nationalities.
With Brazilians more image-conscious (his words).
And he would tell us that they would forgo the all-you-can-eat stations on board for the gym.
That you could always spot the Brazilians because they would be on deck posing, preening and pouting by the poolside.
And that was just the men!
A melting pot
Cruisey travellers: With the Scary One
It’s a similar story too with the Italians, as my old teacher would tell me with her male cousin taking his own vanity case around.
And spending more time in the bathroom than her.
The British and Irish would, of course, be at the buffet and the bar and partying into the night.
And I can vouch from my own experience with MSC in the fjords that the Eastern Europeans love a jostle at the buffet table.
We like the idea of sharing a ship with Brazilians who leave the bar and the buffet to us.
With 16 nights on board the MSC Grandiosa from €2,089pp, travelling from November 7 and 23 (the latter a very important date on the calendar).
Sail away
Barca bears: And Messi might even return
Like many a cruiser, and like Columbus himself, you’ll set out from beautiful Barcelona.
Your first port of call is Malaga on the Costa del Sol.
You then cruise into the Atlantic to Funchal on the Portuguese island of Madeira before continuing your Atlantic crossing, crossing the Equator before reaching the coast of Brazil.
Your Brazilian adventure begins with a stop in historic Maceio before you cruise on to Salvador.
It’s known for its Portuguese colonial architecture, Afro-Brazilian culture, and tropical coastline.
Your cruise comes to an end as you sail into the iconic bay of Rio de Janeiro, under the watchful gaze of the iconic Cristo Redentor statue
So why not check out Rio by the sea-oh. And look out for Brazilliant brio and how we all cruise.
Now what Greetin’ Greta and her groaners have to say about the World Wildlife Fund endorsing Celebrity, well…!
Among the bigger shared initiatives, with the sale of merchandise available on select cruises. 100% of the net proceeds will help support WWF’s ocean conservation work.
While you can also join the ‘Walk For Coral’ activity on your next cruise.
All around the world our natural world and those who live in its seas and earth depend on us.
And very visibly in one of the most authentic islands on Earth, the Galapagos.
Aboard the Celebrity Xpedition, Xploration, and Celebrity Flora, Celebrity have planned their Celebrity Galapagos experience in conjunction with the Galapagos National Park.
They’ve also established the Galapagos Fund, an onboard conservation program that gives guests the chance to participate in the ongoing conservation of the islands.
Be a Celebrity
Love me tender: Celebrity Edge and its floating tender
All of which we were reminded of when our friends at LHW alerted us to the new intake of six hotels which have been added to their 400+ roster.
And yes for all the swish billets we’ve stayed in over the years we still have 399+ to visit…
O Flower of Amsterdam: The Dylan
But every journey starts with one step.
This season’s LHW collection includes four new hotel openings…
An ambitious city resort on Samarkand’s Silk Road, an architectural jewel in Milan, a mountaintop hideaway in Montafon and a vibrant dining destination in Montevideo.
And they are joined by two storied hotels…
A grand lakeside estate in Lausanne and a Roman hotspot with historical charm.
Get thee to a seminary
Water place: The Portrait for wellbeing
Portrait Milano (Milan, Italy) NEW OPENING December 2022: And there’s plenty of them in holy Italy.
LHW tell us that this is one of the oldest seminaries in Europe, dating back to the 16th century.
And only recently opened to the public for the first time.
They tell us Portrait embraces the lively Piazza del Quadrilatero.
With the elegant, vaulted colonnade animated by restaurants and bars, boutiques, a lush garden and a wellness centre.
There are 73 sophisticated rooms and suites and other accommodations will provide an oasis of privacy and peace, surrounding guests by timeless elegance.
Smooth as the Silk Road
Asian peace: And tranquility
Samarkand Regency Amir Temur (Samarkand, Republic of Uzbekistan) NEW OPENING Autumn 2022: Billing itself as the crown jewel of the Silk Road.
Any viewer of Joanna Lumley’s excellent travelogue will know all about one of the world’s oldest trade routes.
The name pays tribute to Uzbekistan’s 15th Century national hero, who made Samarkand one of the most illustrious empires.
The 233-room hotel features charcoal-grilled dining at El Sabor, 20th floor Sky Bar.
With panoramic views, and the Nephrite Spa & Wellness offering beauty and wellbeing treatments from Valmont and Thalgo alongside a hammam and pool.
Surrounded by thousands of years of history and magnificent UNESCO World Heritage Sites.
The hotel is located steps from a first-of-its kind Eternal City, an entertaining and immersive ‘model city’ which was designed and created by Uzbek artist Bobur Ismoilov to honour the artistry and tradition of Uzbekistan.
Nature’s ski lodge
Mountain high: In Austria
Falkensteiner Hotel Montafon(Montafon, Austria) NEW OPENING December 2022: And this being the mountains, then the focus is on sustainability.
The 123-room hotel is designed to blend into the surrounding mountains.
And the outdoor facilities have been harmoniously integrated into the surrounding skiing and hiking areas of the Erlebinsverg Golm.
The first certified, climate neutral ski area in Austria.
A dedicated ski shuttle connects to over 27 miles of scenic ski slopes, offering endless opportunities for skiing and winter sports.
Montevideo star
South American dream: In Uruguay
Hotel Montevideo (Montevideo, Uruguay) NEW OPENING December 2022: Transforming an iconic corner of the city into an elegant destination for dining and design.
Hotel Montevideo taps into the vibrant energy of Uruguay’s bustling capital city.
Each room offers floor-to-ceiling windows and a private balcony to take in the city views.
At the hotel, savour authentic local fare created by renowned chef duo Ale Morales and Flor Coureges at Polo Bamba during the day.
And journey to the Sky Bar at Piso 10 for awe-inspiring sunsets that attract travellers and locals alike.
It has been restored to fuse old-world charm with modern luxury.
The estate near Lac Léman is divided between the historic Savoy Wing and the contemporary Park Wing.
Each of the sumptuously outfitted 196 rooms and suites are punctuated with Art Nouveau influence.
The Sky Lounge boasts spectacular 360° views of Lausanne, Lake Geneva.
Eternal pleasure
No place like Rome: And what a view
Hotel Splendide Royal Roma (Rome, Italy): Established within an historic estate dating back to the 1800s.
The recently renovated Hotel Splendide Royal Roma is situated in the heart of Rome’s most prestigious neighbourhood.
Steps away from the Via Veneto, and the extraordinary Villa Borghese Gardens, the hotel offers unparalleled access to the very best cultural, culinary and shopping experiences in Rome.
All of which you can do seamlessly and in budget.
Each of the 69 exquisitely-decorated rooms and suites effortlessly balance the old-world elegance of period furnishings, classical art, and historic details with the understated refinement of modern luxury.
Boasting award-winning dining at the signature Mirabelle Restaurant and breathtaking views at the rooftop lounge.
This is a city hot spot that is a favourite with visitors and locals alike.
All of which is leading up to you rewarding yourself by staying in one (or more) of the Leading Hotels of the World in the new year.
So all we do is go swanning about the world. Wrong, we let somebody else pilot the ship.
And that somebody would be Swan Hellenic who will show you the Arctic, Antarctic and rest of the world – from Brazil to Papua New Guinea, Norway to New Zealand, Australia to Africa, and Madagascar to the Mediterranean.
Swan Hellenic are introducing a new lady to the fleet for next year with SH Diana joining SH Minerva and SH Vega from the past two years.
So as with all things cruise let’s see the numbers.
There are 192 guests across 96 staterooms and suites, many with balconies.
Diana rules the waves
Ice one: And total peace
Diana’s passengers features a multifunctional room next to the observation lounge, a private dining room and two tenders.
And so the polar class 6 ice-strengthened hull plus extra-large stabilisers make the journey as smooth as silk for you to enjoy the Arctic and Antarctic.
There are new itineraries too on the roster, such as New Zealand in Depth and immerse yourself in its Maori culture and its Long White Cloud.
Dip your toe in: Luxury on board
Then there’s Papua New Guinea with its active volcano and Eclectus parrots.
For Japanophiles then you can explore the Land of the Rising Sun further than ever before.
And its Shinto shrines and Buddhist temples and the forested island of Yakushima.
Of course, all these exotic destinations bill themselves as the Land of something or other.
Dance away: Maori culture
And that is no different with Iceland, the Land of Ice and Fire.
In Iceland in Depth you can cruise along the fjords, something we’d encourage anybody in the Nordic or Scandinavia, nations.
And so to the Land of Carnival, the Spirit of Brazil will give you those rhythms, beats and buzzing cities.
But you’ll also get to see humpback whales in the Abrolhos Archipelago.
And talk to the animals… the elephants, buffalos, lowland gorillas and chimps. And you’ll feel good.
Before learning about the wonders of voodoo in Benin.
Deal us in
Antarctic explorers: Off to see wildlife
Prices range from £2,500pps to £19,000pps depending on the length and location of the expedition cruise.
That includes return regional flights to the port of embarkation and/or disembarkation (where specified)…
Group return transfers from the airport to the cruise port, one night pre-cruise accommodation with breakfast in a four/five star hotel or onboard, all meals onboard, 24-hour room service, coffee, tea, soft drinks and selected alcoholic beverages available 24-hours per day.
There will be a lecture programmes by Swan Hellenic’s experienced expedition team and guest speakers, Wi-Fi, onboard gratuities and port taxes.
And one selected shore excursion/expedition activity per port of call, and branded Swan Hellenic expedition parkas and use of rubber boots in Polar Regions.
As Qatar kick off the Jules Rimet Trophy let’s remember there’s another team playing too so an invitation here… world calling Ecuador, world calling Ecuador.
Having sidestepped the Qatar issue with all the guile of a Luca Modric.
Let’s turn our attentions to South Americans Ecuador.
And you barely need any Spanish to work out that the country derives its name from the Equator.
That being the case time pretty much stands still in Ecuador.
With the sun always rising at 6am and setting at 6pm.
Now if you know anything about Ecuador beyond the Equator then full marks to you.
But, of course, there is a whole country above, below and beyond the dividing line.
Gallop to the Galapagos
Here tortoise: And aren’t they giant?
Most notably the Galapagos Islands where the locals move at a very slow island pace.
Baby, you’re a firework, come on let your colours burst… as they might have sung back in 1605 to mark Guy Fawkes Day.
Well because we’re fortunate enough that Katy Perry lives in our age.
Then that’s what we all do when the sparklers, rockets, Catherine Wheels and Roman Candles fizz through the air.
In the UK in those areas where people don’t celebrate the burning of Catholic traitors or have got past 17th century history.
And just like a light show then today, Guy Fawkes Day, is a national fireworks spectacular.
Of course, not everybody, the passing of a queen apart, is obsessed with British history.
So we’re taking a look at where and when the world lets their colours burst.
Fire Eid
Sparkling: Eid
Eid, the Muslim world: And as you would expect in the land of the world’s biggest building, Burj Khalifa, Dubai reachest highest in the Muslim world for Eid.
There are also numerous shows and music concerts and the amusement parks go into overdrive.
Jewel of India
Light up: Diwali
Diwali, India: Now if we in Britain think that our skies are spectacular at this time of year.
Then it is nothing compared to India.
Diwali, the festival of light, has just been dimmed for another year.
For the day that’s in it when The Dutch Republic sold New Holland to Portugal in 1661 here’s Brasaleia and other sold countries.
No, you didn’t know the Dutch took 63 tonnes of gold from Portugal for what would become Brazil.
They had run the north-east part of the country we now know as Sambaland for 31 years before cashing in after a war.
The Dutch were the great merchants of their day and dealmakers.
And the best dealmaker of our day, and most famous living New Yorker, Donald Trump, would have approved of another deal.
Manhattan transfer
The art of the deal: With The Donald in New York
Dutch governor Peter Minuit bought Manhattan from the native Americans in 1621 for trinkets to the value of $24.
And when the Dutch relinquished it in 1674 to the English who rechristened it New York they got the rich sugar and cotton territory of Suriname in South America in return.
All of which would be a poor take on a weekend in a Las Vegas casino.
LA is my laddie: In Los Angeles
Ten million greenbacks got them southern Arizona and New Mexico from their neighbours five years later.
But they weren’t finished there and sealed the deal of all deals when they waved $7.2m under the Russian Bear’s nose in 1867 for Alaska.
And again that proved to be mere loose change compared with the oodles of money they’ve taken in oil since.
While the Americans have waved the chequebook more than anybody the British haven’t been slow in flashing cash either.
Rate Britain
Water island: Singapore
And at various stages they have bought bits of India and Africa from the Danes.
All of which makes you think Trump could have done a deal with them over Greenland.
While Singapore was purchased from Johor, a state in Malaysia, for $60,000 in 1824.
Scots bank it
Leg it to… the Isle of Man
Who would have thought too that the Scots were at it too long before any of them.
When they forked out 4,000 marks sterling and 100 mark annuity to the Norwegians for…
The Hebrides, Kintyre, islands off the Firth of Clyde and get this, the Isle of Man, from Norway in 1266.
It’s ironic then that the Scots were “bought and sold for English gold such a parcel of rogues in a nation” when they surrendered to the union with England which created Great Britain.
And which you can read all about in the excellent Price of Scotland from historian Douglas Watt.
All of which we’ll reflect on on this lazy Saturday afternoon… Brasaleia and other sold countries.
They were forced indoors to toss their cabers in lockdown, but now we can gawp at them showing off their special skills in public again… the Highland Games are back!
Ours, in North Berwick, east of Edinburgh, is on August 6.
And they began receiving requests for unusual sex tours.
Upon finding out why, the owners of Kinki Nippon Tourist Company decided to go with KNT in English-speaking countries.
Road tripped
Put the brakes on: Ford’s gaffe
Ford, Detroit, USA: Now many of us love a road trip and Henry can lay claim to changing American society with his Model T which you can see in Motor City.
Alas, again the Iberian languages caught marketers out, this time the Portuguese tongue.
Ford blundered when marketing the Pinto in Brazil, unaware that the term means male genitals in Brazilian Portuguese.
These are brand new too
Black name: The Negro licquorice
Along the road we’ve come across a Wanktunnel in Bavaria, an ISIS chocolate bar in Brussels airport and Negro licquorice in Croatia.
Share with us the brands which you’ve seen that have tickled your fancy, as it were.
Because how Joby Aviation got lost in translation is not an isolated incident.
