They’ve been flirting with me the heroes in the half shell but here’s a tail (sorry) of turtles within touching distance from my old Maldives stomping ground.
And when I say stomping I mean when I got pooped off the shore of Kandolhu and had to stand for a breather.
Noooooo! It’ll cut your feet but worse than that, it’ll kill the coral.
And it’s what they promised in the Promised Land – yes Israeli clear of Covid regs now.
Our friends in the Land of Milk and Honeywill be removing on-arrival PCR tests from May 20 and letting people fly with an antigen test from May 10.
Right, we know that it hasn’t been a biblical 40 years since Israel was this open rather than just these last two years.
But it’s just made us more impatient, and that goes too for our dream makers too, our travel providers, who are lining up all manner of packages for us.
Lots of fun at the YMCA
Garden of plenty: The YMCA 3 Arches
Now our eye fell on the YMCA 3 Arches particularly when we saw that it had been designed by the architect of the Empire State Building in New York.
And that means tall with the 3 Arches a 152ft tower with views of the YMCA gardens below and historic Jerusalem vistas, many with views of the King David Street.
Not forgetting of course those modern day facilities we all expect… sports center with fitness room, pool, sauna, jacuzzi and group exercise studio.
The tour providers
Cradle of Christianity: Jesus and Bethlehem
Travel Israel helpfully do all the work for us offering flights from Edinburgh to Tel Aviv (you can also go from Glasgow and London Heathrow) and accommodation for £1,255.
And they list out a number of excursions you can add on.
Like Christmas (well, this is the Holy Land) you can go mad ticking off the trips you want.
And the excursions
Snap to it: And photograph the Old City
The Jerusalem Day Tour we imagine does what it says on the tin, and at a competitive £63 for two.
You will drive to the Mount of Olives for a panoramic view of the city.
And stop at Mount Zion to visit King David’s Tomb,Room of Last Supper and the Dormition Abbey.
No visit to Jerusalem would be complete without a visit to the Jewish Wailing Wall.
And channel your inner Jesus at the Via Dolorosa and visit the Church of Holy Sepulchre.
Before you’ll then proceed to the New City and a visit to Yad Vashem, the Memorial to the Holocaust.
But seeing you’re here you really should tick off as much as you can.
Two unforgettable days
Super Supper: And a bespoke Last Supper
And the 2 Day Tour of Jerusalem, Bethlehem, Masada & the Dead Sea Small Group Tour does just that.
You’ll depart on Day 1 and take in Jerusalem (obvs) and the Old City; Western Wall; church of Holy Sepulcher and Bethlehem. And overnight in Jerusalem.
Float on: The Dead Sea
Day 2 will take in Massada, a swim in the Dead Sea (been there, but would always go again).
Of course as comprehensive as this is there’s always more.
So check out their Galilee offers and in Jesus’ Steps packages.
And so let’s celebrate Israeli clear of Covid regs.
Easter is traditionally the time to visit the relatives and nobody has more than the world’s biggest ever seed carrier… yes, if anyone Khan, Genghis can in Mongolia.
One in every 200 men alive today are said to be related to Oul’ Genghis.
And being of the swarthy and beardie variety I daresay I’m one.
And so Ghengis is probably due a visit from his great-great-great-great etc (phew!) grandson.
The Grand Pavilion
It’s in the beard: Genghis Khan
Our friends at The Pavilions Hotels & Resorts international dream providers have given us a prod about Mongolia reopening for international tourism.
Mongolia no longer require any Covid testing, quarantine or self-isolation for tourist arrivals.
And that is regardless of age or vaccination/recovery status.
Pavilion are steering us in the direction of the annual Genghis Khan Retreat in the Mongolian Steppe and Pavilions Mongolia.
There’s more to it than just putting on your best shouty voice and aggressive stance you know.
The Pavilions Mongolia is now accepting bookings for the Genghis Khan Retreat, from 20 June – 30 August.
Another string to my bow
Service with a smile: Mongolian living
Guests booking a Curated Journey: Into The Wild at The Pavilions Mongolia can look forward to four days of channelling their inner Khan.
And that means thundering across the spectacular Okhorn valley on horseback and mastering the legendary Mongol bow.
You’ll kayak down the Okhorn river and camp on the great plains in a luxuriously equipped traditional ger.
Now if I am indeed one of Genghis’s spawn then that would explain my derring-do around the world.
Horse whisperer me
Get a gallop on: Genghis country
And I am sure I am ready to step up from my ride around the Colorado Plains with Issy to a Mongolian chaser.
And my whitewater rafting expertise (clinging on to the side of a bath tub!) will hold me in good stead for Khan kayaking.
Mane man: On Issy in Colorado
Curated Journeys: Into The Wild give you four nights’ accommodation and all meals at The Pavilions Mongolia with activities and excursions.
Wellington insisted an army marched on its stomach and so it follows athletes must do too which is where The Football Feeder and The Maldives come in.
The fact is I could have done with someone telling me what to eat and when when I was one of Scotland’s promising athletes.
You’ll not be surprised to hear that a Chelsea Bun an hour before a six-mile run gives you a stitch.
No such problem for the English champions Manchester City though and the players of the national team.
And that’s because of one man, personal chef Jonny Marsh, the Football Feeder.
Carbonara chaser
Kevin sent: Jonny Marsh fan Kevin De Bruyne
Kevin De Bruyne swears by Raymond Blanc’s former assistant and his spaghetti carbonara.
While Manchester United’s Luke Shaw loves his spag bol… must be all that red tomato puree.
Now your own personal chef won’t guarantee you’ll become an elite footballer but it doesn’t help to try.
Jonny will share his expert nutritional tips with Amilla Maldives resort guests via a series of hands-on masterclasses and bespoke wellness menus.
Gala evenings
Nature comes first: The Maldives
Alongside these masterclasses, Jonny will hold two gala dinners and a pop-up breakfast combining mouth-watering flavours and nutritional ingredients, whilst also showcasing Amilla’s Homemade@Amilla concept.
The bespoke wellness menus will champion nourishing, fresh ingredients grown in Amilla’s organic and hydroponic gardens.
And the resort’s ever-expanding selection of homemade produce, from pickles and sourdough to yoghurt, kefir and palm oil-free Nutella.
Healthy living: Island life
Now the Maldives are we know atolls south of Sri Lanka in the Indian Ocean and face challenges of their own.
Both from climate change and creating produce.
And I have seen first hand how they grow their own on islands which you can get around in a couple of hours.
And this approach is to their credit and also has benefits in the athleticism of those who work and live full time on the island.
Playing with the staff
Hot, hot, hot: Kuramathi in the Maldives
Like the Sri Lankan footballers and cricketers who gave this wannabe the runaround in our games there.
It’s Atoll tale and here’s a reminder.
The gala dinners for the Football Feeder and the Maldives will take place on May 20 and 27.
And the nutritional masterclasses will take place on May 21 and 28. For more information visit amilla.com.
The deal
Get on the bus: Maldives life
Inspiring Travel Company offers seven nights at Amilla Maldives Resort and Residences from £3,857pp.
That’s a saving of £2,090 per person.
The price is based on two adults sharing a Treetop Pool Villa.
And that includes a 30% discount on accommodation, complimentary half board, reduced shared seaplane transfers.
And return economy flights from London Heathrow.
Price based on May 18 departure. Minimum seven-night stay applies.
They range on the Royal Mint from the UK 50p Brilliant Uncirculated Coin at £7 for the most pressed subject.
To the gold bullion Queen’s Jubilee Sovereign Set at £1,800, but be patient they’re awaiting stock.
Pawn Stars
Money shot: Miss America meets Mr Scotland in Vegas
Now if you think that that’s extravagant in these cash-strapped times then remember that gold appreciates in value.
Not that I’m advising you to scour your jewellery box and head for the pawn shop.
Although having seen the prices of old artefacts in the most famous pawn store in the world, the Pawn Stars shop in Vegas.
My fellow Britons famously and sneeringly accuse the Americans of having no history.
But here in the Gold & Silver Pawn Shop and across any number of fairs across the States specialising in music, war or whatever disproves that.
Coining it in
Bandanaman and the Bandanettes In Denver
And if you can’t afford a Confederate coin then you can always buy one of those say Buffalo Bill coins from the souvenir shop in Lookout Mountain in Colorado.
Coins have been with us since Roman days and before, the Lydians in modern-day Turkey credited with the first in 600BC.
And we always live in hope that all that digging that The Green-Fingered One does in our back garden will yield some treasure.
For now I’ll just hope that my commemorative C$2 Calgary Winter Olympics coin has appreciated in value.
Because I’m not holding out much hope for my Jordanian dinar note in our own world bank of foreign exchange.
Saddam hucksters
Do I pass as Jordanian? With Zuhair
I did dodge a bullet (maybe even literally) when I body swerved the hucksters trying to sell Saddam Hussein Iraqi notes outside Petra.
Best stick to the coin-pressing machines and the money-making exercise that is The Royal Mint Collection.
It’s about time, is it not, that that wealth dripped down to us.?