We’ll of course let their concierges do the heavy work and take you through them all.
But we will give you just a slice with their Marie Antoinette Day.
Your day at her beloved Château de Versailles outside Paris will start when your butler prepares a shower or bath.
Before waking guests up gently with citrus milk, the Queen’s favourite drink, as part of a “Queen’s Wake Up” ritual.
You dormez vous, the bed is scented with Airelles’ signature perfume.
Breakfast overlooking The Orangerie, guests will head to the Domaine de Trianon where they can enjoy MA’s beloved English Gardens.
Ease your muscles with some deep relaxation at the Valmont Spa at La Grand Controlle.
Merci Macaron
A French macaron: And another one after that
Before enjoying a macaron-filled Marie Antoinette Afternoon Tea with MA’s favourite drink – hot chocolate with orange blossom.
Before or after afternoon tea, guests can enjoy the highlight of the day with a dress-up experience.
Channel your inner MA trying on period costumes with a hair and make-up artist.
It’s all an experience that definitely passes the sniff teat.
And that’s exactly what the Marie Antoinette-inspired fragrance workshop does.
The sniff test
Bow for a belle: Dress up like Marie Antoinette
Make perfume infused with roses from the Versailles gardens.
During this memorable session, uncover the secrets of Marie-Antoinette’s favourite perfume and recreate some of the unique creams and lotions used at Court.
So there we are… let’s forget the cost-of-living cake and let us eat cake Chez Antoinette. Price from €2,000.
The Queen Mum liked her gin, Princess Margaret her Champagne, Prince Charles his Cherry Brandy but we suspect it was a cup of cha for the Queen.
The QM’s drinking holes counted racecourses up and down the country, Mags the Caribbean and especially Nylon Beach in Tobago and Chuck the Isle of Lewis.
For the Queen though it was her many palaces around Britain.
And especially those where she spent most time relaxing… Windsor, Balmoral and Sandringham.
So if you want to toast her memory this weekend raise a cup with that most British tipple, tea.
And add to the 100 million drunk by Britons every day, almost as many as are queueing to see the Queen’s coffin.
The Royal cuppa
Take a seat: The Willow Tearooms
Britain’s love affair with East Indian tea began in royal circles with a hangry 7th Duchess of Bedford.
Anna’s answer was to take tea served with light snacks which became the phenomenon of afternoon tea.
The fashion took hold throughout the land and onto our doorstep in Glasgow, the Second City of the Empire.
Queen tea: And is that a tea cosy?
With the Mackintosh Tea Rooms which celebrate the high-chaired furniture and interior decorations of the Scottish architect Charles Rennie Mackintosh.
And that’s just the cup of tea for more modern home furnishing British institution Cath Kidston.
With Cath kindly giving us a tea-potted history of cha around the world.
Crowning glory: Cath Kidston in Southampton
Of course all the tea in China isn’t all the tea in the world but it was where we first got the taste.
When Emperor Shen Nung went for a seat under a Camellia sinensis tree in 2737 BC.
The story goes that a few leaves fell into his boiling drinking water to try the accidental infusion and tea was born.
There’s more to this tea
Tea in bed: OLCOTE in Sri Lanka
His tea rituals he mapped out in Ch’a Ching (Tea Classic), the first book about tea written during the 8th century.
Taoist, Buddhist and Confucian in its philosophy, Chinese tea ceremonies are centred around peace, mindfulness, and appreciation.
And as many as the tea leaves in a cup, their most famous ceremony is the kung fu tea ceremony, sometimes known as gong fu.
Of course the tea we all know and love in the UK is from the Jewel in the Crown.
No, not the curry house.
But where Our Little Corner of The Earth, or OLCOTE, the hotel retreat of my old Sri Lankan-Irish force of nature Tess De Kretser will pour.
The beauty of the Caribbean is that they all have their own take on island life and we can put our own mark on each which is why we give you Kabawe Libre in St Lucia.
And if that sounds like Cuba Libre then that’s deliberate.
And because the St Lucians hosted me so well on their trade show in Dublin you can have that pitch for free.
Apt really because that’s what Libre is and because the rum flows liberally throughout the West Indies.
When in rum
All shapes and colours: Rum in the Caribbean
Kabawe is the Creole word for Rum Shop.
And the St Lucians value theirs just as much as the birthplace of rum just down the water in Barbados.
Which is why the exotically-named St Lucia Tourism Authority CEO Lorine Charles St Jules is promoting the Kabawe Krawl experience.
Best explained by the woman herself:
“The aim of the Kabawé Krawl is that visitors to our shores experience the unique Bar, Rum, and Culinary adventures in Saint Lucia.
“This will allow for the tourism dollar to be spread through our smaller communities and local hot spots nationally.”
She explained that there was a process.
And that all interested bars will undergo an onboarding process.
Domino dancing
Happy chappies: Dominoes in Barbados
And they will be trained in customer service and safety management.
Of course the first starting point for me would be a bunch of oul’ fellas in the back room.
Slamming down dominoes and stamping down on a floor with sand on it.
And not the type we get in my own homeland of Scotland to mop up the slops.
But authentic grains from the beach outside.
Irie Barbados: With Jevan and Donna
We know what a rum shop should look like from limin’ with the locals in Barbados earlier this year and on previous trips.
And we’re keen to explore our old pal Marc’s new Island Time Rum Tour.
You make me feel so fine which is why I’ll be celebrating the day that’s in it with red red wine and Georgia. And the rest of the world.
Now we’ve been getting high on the black grape for 6,000 years since the ancient Georgians thought to bury grape juice underground in the winter.
All of which makes you wonder how it took until 2014 and Jace Shoemaker-Galway to establish Red Red Wine Day.
Like all the best ideas you kick yourself that you didn’t come up with it first.
Own it, Eoghan
Gang of four: With Eoghan, Teresa and Sharon
Or that someone you know didn’t, such as the Doyen of Irish Travel and Irish aficionados, Eoghan Corrie.
Who on every trip would regale us with his global tales of derring-do when he had a glass of red in his hand which is always.
And, of course, who knows more about wine than I’ll ever know.
Which is that after the Georgians first bottled the grape the Egyptians got in on the act in 3100BC.
You (and me) are probably more familiar with a Bordeaux red.
And that has been around since 71AD.
Georgia on my mind
By George: With the Georgia ambassador
Of course, Ambassador George didn’t want to talk to me about French red or Egyptian vintage when he invited me around to the Egyptian Embassy in Dublin.
And regaled me about the world’s first winds from his country.
And sent me home with a bottle, although not 5,000 years old although I wouldn’t have complained.
Whatever your red, and we have a standing joke in the family based around Effin’ Merlot, channeling the film Sideways.
And give a thought to our fave drink. Red red wine and Georgia, the birthplace of a favourite tipple.
Hoppy 4th July… let’s celebrate American Independence Day the way the founding fathers would have, with good ale.
Because while we think we can drink we have nothing on Washington, all the Adamses, Franklin and Co.
Colonial Americans drank roughly three times as much as modern Americans, primarily in the form of beer, cider, and whiskey.
And uisce beatha (Gaelic for water of life) is probably what the Spirit of 76 was all about.
Our old friends at Westward Whiskey in Portland, Oregon, have already been on.
And they’ve been showing off their wares with a new product for Independence Day.
And they remind us (OK, we didn’t know) that they begin their process by brewing an artisanal American Ale from scratch.
They use locally malted barley, ale yeast, and a slow, low temperature fermentation.
We love our American whiskies and we will return to them in due cours.
But to make the tortured pun in the title of today’s blog work it’s all about the beer on today’s Independence Day.
Drunken Sam
A bucket of booze: In boozy Boston
Sam Adams: Now the great Bostonian rabble-rouser spent so much time swigging ale in radical public houses that his enemies nicknamed him Sam the Publican.
Sam, of course, took it as a badge of honour, and the Bostonians repaid him by putting his badge on their beers.
Well that would be one way of shutting me up, I’m afraid we’ll have to grin and beer it but it’s Oktoberfest masks.
Now I’ve been chucked out of other establishments, including my high school, but none as big as the Lowenbrau or Hofbrau huises at the Oktoberfest.
And because every Dancing Dad has their favourite stories on repeat let’s recap.
The first time was when I tried to redress the unfair balance of baying Antipodeans (mostly in my party) competing with chants of ‘Ausssie’ and ‘Kiwi’.
And so I climbed onto the bandstand as the oompah band was in full flow, and took the mic, to sing uninvited ‘My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean’.
A minute later my bonnie was lying over the outside of the hall.
And because youth is wasted on the young I hadn’t remembered (maybe the drink) or learned from my past experience.
Back for more
Schnapps to it: The Topdeck booze bus
And returning from a Bayern Munich v Nuremberg match I got between two rival football supporters who were fighting.
I thought I was being gallant as they were women, despite knowing all about never coming between fighting women from my time growing up in Glasgow.
A boyfriend took exception (my story, and I’m sticking to it) and bust my nose.
A hospital visit and a taxi later with me not knowing where my campsite was and relying on the cabbie and I was back on site and with a thirst on me.
The Mask
Soak it up: With a pretzel
Back to Oktoberfest 2022 and the good news is that it is back after its Covid hiatus.
But with a difference with the German government considering enforced compulsory mask-wearing in all public spaces –including bars – from October to March.
Good luck with that Mein Herr.
Because once the Munich crowd get started on their steins of beer and schnapps chasers then you’ll have the divil’s own job to get the seven million drinkers to put their masks back on.
That’s if they can even find them because I sure as heck I wasn’t able to find my own backside.
The times are a-changin’
Table service: The beer tents
And you might expect things to have changed in the 36 years.
Since I last clinked steins at the Oktoberfest.
And alas it looks as if my booze bus doesn’t drive to Munich.
I dare say Wombat the driver has long since hung up his drinking gloves.
And is back home in Oz draining a cold one (or judging by his waistline) a kegful.
Ja dancer: The Oktoberfest
And in its place it has this package which involves making your own way and staying at the hostel.
After which the Topdeck people will look after you over the next three days.
So no trip to Dachau or Austrian overnighter with tobogganing and glass boot and schnapps drinking games. Hey-ho.
Still, who knows some of the stragglers from our Eighties booze trips may not have made it back or have continued the annual pilgrimage.
The Oktoberfest Braumeister
Let’s get this party started: In Munich
So check out their specs for their Oktoberfest Braumeister.
And get their app to find out more about costs.
Although you’d have to get into a booze bus time machine.
To get £84 for six days with accommodation on the bus and friends for years.
Those who will drop in on you for a winter in Aberdeen in the north-east of Scotland and form an Earl’s Court Aussie colony there.
This gives you food for thought, a Scandi Culinary Cruise… trollmops and Princess cruises if you will.
Darina Allen, John Torrode and Matt Tebbutt are taking to the High Seas to reach us all how to cook.
Of course, not cook (except in my case) but cook better.
And where better than on a cruise, with the fruits of the sea under us?
And around Scandinavia and the Baltic where they love getting pickled, particularly those Trolls.
Enchanted journey
In the pink: John Torode with Gregg Wallace
Passengers on Enchanted Princess can watch live culinary demonstrations from a line-up of TV chefs in a new culinary-themed cruise.
The ‘Culinary Star’ voyage will be hosted on the UK homeport ship, Enchanted Princess, on a seven-night Scandinavia voyage departing August 26.
The cookies are:
John Torode – The straight-talking co-host and judge of MasterChef and regular guest chef on ITV’s This Morning.
Matt Tebbutt – Matt has been one of London’s fixtures at prestigious restaurants, including Marco Pierre White at the Oak Room, Criterion, and Alastair Little. He also presents Saturday Kitchen on BBC1, Best Bites on BBC2, and Food Unwrapped on C4.
Rachel Allen – And the Irish TV chef, bestselling cookery writer, and celebrated teacher at the world-famous Ballymaloe Cookery School.
For starters
Catherine the great: With Catherine Fulvio
Of course I would come equipped with inside knowledge from disciple and celebrated chef in her own right, Catherine Fulvio, of Ballyknocken fame.
Enchanted Princess joined the Princess fleet in November and will join Sky Princess, Emerald Princess, and Island Princess to sail out of Southampton this year.
Fare play
I’ll drink to that: Princess
All-inclusive balcony fares for the seven-night Scandinavia cruise on Enchanted Princess start from €1,044pp.
The itinerary sails roundtrip Southampton with stops in Oslo (Norway), Skagen (Denmark) and an overnight stay in Copenhagen (Denmark).
Fare includes all-inclusive premium drinks, unlimited Wi-Fi and crew appreciation.
Additional information about Princess Cruises is available through a professional travel agent, or by calling 1800 939 608.
