Das gut… I’m here in Essen, Germany by planes, trains and autobahns and guess what, they work.
The German end that is.
It wasn’t an auspicious start when my half-hour trip from North Berwick into Edinburgh stalled twice doubling the journey.
Which, of course, could be a problem if you have a bus to catch to take you to the airport.
A little local knowledge is handy and that is that British trains will always break down so leave plenty of time.
The excuse this time was that a train from London into Waverley Station was causing the problem.
And who in the rail network would have planned for that eventuality?
We have Luft-off
Behind a queue of young girl golfers returning to Germany after a trip to the Home of Golf (Scotland).
And so two hours after leaving the house I found myself in the Lufthansa line to check in my luggage.
We’ll catch up with them later.
An hour and a half on the German state airline carrier (quicker than my trip from NB to Edinburgh Airport) and I was there.
And a word on the in-flight care with friendly, efficient cabin crew.
Who brought complimentary water and chocolate.
With the airline not feeling the need to pedal its wares every ten minutes.
And sound a klaxon because it arrived when it said it would.
So we’ve arrived the mini-town that is Frankfurt Airport.
You know the type where it’s a ten-minute terminal coach ride to the actual interior.
Sign of the times
Still, the airport was spotless and bilingually well-signed.
Our frauleins from the Edinburgh queue were ahead of us naturally at the passport check by dint of being EU citizens.
While the Brits (and I’m a very reluctant one) are put in a holding pen line.
Now anybody who tells you that queueing is a British pastime has obviously never spent time with Britons in an airport queue.
Especially abroad where the mumbles and moans went up at the time it was taking to get through.
Maybe if said passengers hadn’t voted to stick two fingers at their European neighbours and voted to leave the EU?!
Ja belter
The passport line negotiated though and another box ticked the next arduous task was ready to be negotiated.
But the carousel of hell proved anything but.
A signboard indicated when it would start rolling and, lo and behold, a miracle.
My black suitcase with its Shrek and Donkey ‘Are We There Yet’ luggage tag from Universal Studios Orlando was first up.
The rail deal
All of which gave me a jump start for my German train, €50 anywhere in Germany and all booked ahead online.
The train duly arrived when the ticket said it would and we were on our way from Franfurt to Essen.
This being me though something was bound to go wrong.
I had, of course, in my haste jumped on the wrong train, via Dortmund to Essen.
When I was booked for a two-stop through Koln to Essen.
Time to act the bemused tourist (not hard in my case) and the ever-helpful train guard stamped my ticket through.
The rabbit in the lights look is one I perfected back in Munich Airport when I turned up late to my gate.
And the clerk at the desk kindly put me on the next flight to Athens… after a telling-off.
And so another tale of trains, planes and autobahns for the annals.
But for now auf Wiedersehen.
And I’ll keep you posted with my misadventures at the German Travel Mart here over the next few days.