I know you think I walk on water but I really don’t.
I’ve swallowed more sea… in the Indian Ocean, the Pacific, the Mediterranean, and the Red Sea doing water sports than a puffer fish, who incidentally I never did get deep enough to see.
But I do persist and got to see me my turtles and rainbow fish in the Caribbean,
Let’s walk on that… Corfu
All of which messing around on the water brings me around to Corfu where Ryanair will fly you for €24.99 single which is 30% off.
And where my waterskiing career dived just as it began on honeymoon though thankfully the marriage bit has lasted,
Because I learned early where the Scary One is concerned that ‘when she wants my opinion she’ll give it to me.’
Window to the world: Ryanair
Ryanair has a range of offers which end midnight tomorrow, August 6.
But we’re zeroing in on this sample on Greece with Chania (€31.87) and Thessaloniki (€29.99).
And Greece’s Second City my Hellenophile pals assure me from my Greek Odyssey is the real jewel of Greece.
Or surfing in Switzerland
Pictures of Switzerland
And yes you know it, you can surf in the most surprising places as I did on that cruise ship in Barcelona.
Beaches, like the skies and seas, are benefitting rom the lockdown and the Algarve has had the chance to breathe.
That’s because they are without the type of beachgoer who treat our beaches like a dumping ground… or worse.
The first beach holiday I had with the-then lovesick Miss F was in the Algarve https://www.visitalgarve.pt/en/Default.aspx where we met two brothers who are now our lifelong friends.
We played football on the courts, pool volleyball and even took to the stage to do our best theme from Raw Hide… complete with whip sounds.
In the interests of public disclosure that was me and Ray, not me and Miss F, although that doesn’t sound any better.
What a pane!
We thought about staying away from the Cabanas beach though as we had been warned that the approach was strewn with glass.
That didn’t stop us, though it took much of the enjoyment away from the experience, and I’m sure Ray lacerated his foot.
Now none of this is levelled at Cabanas , more those reckless visitors back in 1990.
Today’s Cabanas I imagine will be like a Caribbean beach because of a lack of litterbugs!
The beaches in the Algarve will reopen on Saturday.
There will be colour coded signage indicating the level of occupancy of the beach (low/medium/full).
And it will be updated in real time on the app ‘Info Praia’ (available in English) and APA website.
Just swimmingly
Visitors will be expected to keep 1.5m apart unless they are in the same household and parasols will be 3m apart.
And swimming, water sports and surfing will be permitted.
Of course, Portugal, and the Algarve, for many of us, holds many wonderful childhood and adult memories.
The news that they will pour away 70m pints of spoiled beer down the drain would merely have been an invitation to The Sesh.
Our drinking fraternity at Aberdeen University have scattered to the four corners of the world – funny when many couldn’t be raised from their scratchers.
While some of my English pals, Wee Jon and Micky, and Gaelic emigrees Alan and Anna went to the bright lights of London https://www.visitlondon.com and The London life.
I’ll let you into a little secret… and I know all the right people! Portugal will be the country we’ll all be visiting first when we come out of lockdown.
No, it wasn’t Maria dos Anjos, the niece of the last Little Shepherd of Fatima, who told me though she probably knew this already, and that COVID-19 was coming.
I consider myself partially responsible for not sharing the impending pandemic.
No, not Maria dos Anjos
Because Maria was trying to tell me something of import back in 2018. It’s just that my Portuguese stretches to Obrigado and Obrigada.
Which, going off on a tangent, my Dear Old Dad loved to screech out long after we’d returned from the Algarve.
Susana mirabilis
We all have Susana Cardoso, the Director of Portuguese Tourism in Ireland http://www.visitportugal.com to thank for giving us a preview of what Portugal will look like in the coming months.
Venice of Portugal: Aveiro
And the good news is that we will all hopefully be able to see first hand with September slated as the month…
When Irish visitors will all be reacquainting themselves with an old and trusted friend.
Yes Portugal, and for me also the best guide a man or woman could have, and that man and woman is me and the Scary One.
Splendid self-isolation in a castle
The one and only Jose Madomis https://www.madomistours.pt, the Special One, who showed off his beloved Coimbra and Portugal Centro.
The Portuguese are showing the way as the gold standard on safety and accountability with their Clean and Safe stamps which almost 3000 tourism companies have signed up for.
Beach life
And for those of you who are sick and tired of being palmed off with promises that amount to very little.
Under the guise of ‘The New Normal’ or ‘O Novo Normal’ as they never say out there.
Let me now tell you that there will be sand.
All this space
Not for sunbathing yet, but then what a waste of time that is, but you will be able to book your own space on the beach and also go into the water…
And that means you mad surfers too with Portugal a Nirvana for those who walk on water.
All the old favourites
Social distancing is key to us all enjoying all the things we always love in Portugal.
Hotels, restaurants, cafes, golf, museums, castles and parks and it is a price well worth paying.
Of course, all of this is marivilohso, but are we going to be able to get out there.
And you see a troupe (I don’t know what the collective noun is) of Hasidic Jews travel through the terminals. Istanbul,
I discovered it is the biggest hub for Jews returning to Israel.
You could fly an airplane through our airports now (they’re so quiet).
Big enough to drive an F1 car in: The TA Business Lounge
Which I very nearly did after scraping the Statue of Liberty and coming down nose first at JFK in that simulator flight at Turkish Airlines HQ.
The crisis facing our airline industry has been somewhat subsumed.
By the bigger challenges of health and the economy facing the whole world right now.
Tourism driver
But the immediacy of the threat to the sector has to be addressed. Alas,
Travel has forever been treated as frippery and indulgent by politicians and Big Business compared with other industries.
And tuck into BA’s Business Class food
Only tourism is at the heart of every country’s economy, before we even get onto its importance to business.
And while it is obvious that virtual tourism cannot replicate the joy of seeing a county or its people first hand.
And our providers have done a stand-up job in recreating their destinations this way during this crisis.
The same applies to business.
What will social distancing look like?
Dealing with real 3D people first hand over a beer or bottle of wine while sampling local cuisine is the best way to forge relationships.
Faceless bureaucrats
Oh, yes, there’s the conference meetings too.
But don’t we all just look at our watches or the time on our phones when we’re stuck in one of them?
We must fight against the high heed yins, or suits, who will want to stick with Zoom and other digital platforms.
In an effort to cut costs rather than fly their executives out to each others’ countries.
I can just see those faceless, soulless, personality vacuums, the numbercrunchers pushing for a retention of this contactless-free zone we all live in now.
Filling the air: Ryanair
And where do we stand today… with a third of British Airways http://www.britishairways.com staff worried for their jobs, their operation at Gatwick at risk.
Our crew and pilot friends
Ryanair http://www.ryanair.com planning to cut 3,000 jobs and reduce staff pay by up to a fifth?
And Virgin Atlantic www.virginatlantic.com furloughing its staff and raising the alert as to its futurez
And airlines around the world facing similar heart-wrenching decisions.
Every one of those employees is valuable and their struggles are ours.
I have come to know some of them professionally and personally and my heart goes out to them all as they too foresee an uncertain future.
Pointing to the future: In an airport in February
We are continuously having it drilled into us that ‘we will all get through this together’.
But let’s just think about the sectors and real people who are falling through the cracks.
Save our sector
We must have a Travel industry and an air sector to return to for the good of us all.
It cannot all be left to the Trade and the Public.
It is time for those politicians in their private planes to remember the rest of us.
Rome wasn’t built in a day… if it was there wouldn’t be so much to enjoy.
But if you’ve only got one day (and maybe the next morning)…
Then what to see and what to miss out?And how to do it for less than €50 spending money.
Fun and games at the Circo Maximo
Bohemian Trastevere next door past the Circo Maximo is a better bet.And I recommend the welcoming and economical Hotel Trastevere although remember there’s a €4 a night city tax.
Walk the walk
A family thing happened on the way to the Forum
It’s free and it’s fun… to people watch, window shop and you can take pictures at your leisure.
L’Amore: With La Scary One
You’ll pay for the privilege of eating and drinking near St Peter’s Square and the Trevi Fountain.
Instead grab a pezzo (slice of pizza) on the go for about €3, fill your water bottles from the ornate water taps that proliferate around the city.
Rather than buy it from the shops.
Or just go into a grocery or supermarket and buy a picnic of bread and cold meats. For about a fiver.
This is free
Playing the Emperor
Walking boy the Colosseum and The Forum never loses its appeal but you don’t have to go in, the audio guides will only tell you what you can find out online anyway.
And he’s free
Il Papa’s home. Photo by Valentin Onu on Pexels.com
Book an audience with the Pope. It’s Mass but he plays to the gallery and the backdrop of St Peter’s can’t be beaten.
If you can’t get an audience, and you’ll need to book in advance, then attend Mass in St Paul’s Basilica – you’ll be in there anyway.
Or any of the churches in the city, they double as art galleries.
Other frescoes
The test of time
The Sistine Chapel is a truly wonderful work of art but frescoes can only really be enjoyed if you’ve got time, space and quiet.
Besides every church in Rome has a stunning fresco.
The best fresco, of course, is in the Pantheon, the 7.8m diameter hole in the dome, because God made the view.
It changes every day.
When it rains on Rome stop whatever you’re doing and rush to the Pantheon.
Spend a penny
Penny for your thoughts
No, not that penny, although I can recommend the toilets in the oh-so English Barrington Tea Room, near to the Spanish Steps – Byron, Keats and Shelley lived around her.
More Babington Wee Room, if you like.
No, spend a penny by throwing one over your shoulder into the Trevi Fountain.
It’s a cliche, and a superstition but it’s everything that people say it is.
Of course, they know you’ll come back to Rome… how could you stay away?
Skulls and bones
When you’ve seen everything else – and definitely make time for the Castel Sant’Angelo (€10.50) https://www.castelsantangelo.com which is next to St Peter’s Square where rich Papal history was played out.
Growing up just a Johnny Sexton (or back then more a Mike Gibson) kick over the stream (or burn, as we call them in Scotland) to the Glasgow High playing fields.
I would often jump over into the grounds and practise kicking over the posts.
Robbie Burns is watching: George Square
No, I didn’t become the next Andy Irvine (I am Scottish after all), but I did go onto play at school, report on the game, and become a lifelong fan.
For 51 weeks a year the oval ball game plays second fiddle to football in Glasgow but on May 25 it will have to share centre stage.
When Celtic Park will host the Pro 14 Final, Celtic will be contesting the Scottish Cup final with Hearts the same day at Hampden Park.
WHERE TO STAY I found a standard room for two at the ibis Glasgow City Centre – Sauciehall Street (it’s actually just two minutes from Sauciehall Street on 220 West Regent Street).
For two nights from May 24-26 from €320. Visit www.booking.com.
WHERE TO EAT Glasgow’s national dish is not haggis as you might have been told but ‘a cheeky wee Ruby’, no she’s not a good time girl from the Gorbals. A ‘Ruby’ or ‘Ruby Murray’ is Jockney slang for a curry.
And did you know that the Chicken Tikka Masala was invented in Glasgow.
When Ali Ahmed Aslam, the owner of the above mentioned Shish Mahal improvised by putting tomato soup and some spices into a chicken curry.
For a Glasgow bus driver who had complained that the original offering was too dry?
Not to be confused with the Chicken Tikka Mo Salah which has Egyptian spices and is served in Liverpool!
Best bar none
WHERE TO DRINK The Park Bar, 102 Argyle Street is a popular hang-out for Heelanmen and women, or Highlanders to you and me.
Serving tips: don’t wear ‘colours’, that’s hats and scarves with the colours of your sporting team, greens and blues are particularly divisive on account of the two big soccer teams Celtic and Rangers.
A pint of heavy is what we know as a pint of ale or Smithwicks and even if it is pronounced the same they spell whiskey without the e. It tastes just as good though.
There are some mornings I wake up without a smile on my face to show the world all the love in my heart.
Today though is not one of them.
Today, I have the widest smile on my face.
Because today I am going to see Beautiful The Carole King Musical.
She’s Beautiful (as is my wife).
Carole King and her breakthrough 1971 solo album Tapestry has been something of a soundtrack to my adult life.
Since I first heard it in a record store as an 18-year-old and asked them to play it again…
You’ve got a friend
Before buying it there and then before going on to wear out the needle.
Will You Love Me Tomorrow? summed up my feeble attempts at wooing… of course, they didn’t even love me that night,
Then it was You’ve Got a Friend when She came along,
So Far Away was when she was pregnant with the Son and Heir in Aberdeen.
And trying to sell the house and me starting a new job in Liverpool.
Close-up? Selfie time
And since then Home Again as we have taken an Oydyssean journey around these islands.
It is the beauty of this timeless album that I won’t be the only one for whom it tells a personal story.
Of course, it’s Carole King’s story that Beautiful tells.
It is a story that begins with her selling her first song while still at school.
Through the ups and downs of her marriage to songwriting partner Gerry Goffin.
To her grand redemptive performance at Carnegie Hall in her native New York.
Hands on decks: Some ambient music at the Radisson Blu
Along the way we thrill to the Sound of the Sixties which she and Goffin and their friends Cynthia Wiel and Barry Mann shaped.
With such classics as On The Roof, Locamotion, One Fine Day, Pleasant Valley Sunday and You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling, On Broadway and a bunch of others.
At the end of a fast-paced joyful paean to Carole who has inspired generations of singer-songwriters and still performs to this day, she had performed Tapestry in full with her daughter Louise.
I feel the earth move
Up the road at Hyde Park in the summer, I’m up dancing and clapping wildly to I Feel The Earth Move.
While I’m here at the Aldwych Theatre in London’s West End to pay homage to Carole King there’s time enough for some other kings.
And some queens and princes too at the Tower of London.
Pasta master: Fill yourself up
William the Conqueror built it nearly 1,000 years ago to fortify the capital of his new kingdom, King Henry VIII had two wives beheaded here.
Near to where I’m standing by the Bloody Tower where King Richard III had his two nephews suffocated in their sleep,
Another queen, Lady Jane Grey, was also executed here…
She spent only five days as monarc.
Before she had to make way fro Queen Mary, or Bloody Mary if you will who then made way for Queen Elizabeth.
Beefeater anyone?
It’s another Queen Elizabeth we’re chiefly here to see, the current queen, Britain’s longest serving monarch at 64 years and counting.
Or more accurately we’re here to see her bling, the Crown Jewels.
Talking of counting, try counting the number of gems in her crown.
On your walk around or the number of salt bowls or how many drinks you could get out of that punch bowl.
All of which can make you quite thirsty.
Fat as a king
I feast like a king at my palace for the weekend, the Radisson Blu Edwardian in Mercer Street, Seven Dials, near Covent Garden.
Our breakfasts are king-sized.
Instead of choosing buffet or continental they do both while evening meal is a Peruvian/Italian tapas fusion.
It works and the DJ with his decks and his ambient music add to the vibe.
A watery grave: Olde London
Fat as a king, I need to work off the half a dozen meat, fish and pasta tasting dishes and rich Peruvian chocolate dessert which means a stroll around the city of Westminster.
It is a ten-minute walk from Seven Dials across Waterloo Bridge and along the South Bank.
I try to ignore the garish and overpriced Dungeon and Shrek tourist traps and opt instead two read William Wordsworth’s thoughts inscribed on the walkway.
What a Wordsworth!
The great Romantic poet loved London and waxed lyrical about the Thames gentled gliding by.
I despair then at what today’s town planners are doing to this great old city.
With their London Eyesore and Gherkin (and who builds something in the shape of the bit of the burger nobody wants?)
The West End: And that boy Potter
I avert my eyes and, of course, am drawn instead to the Mother of all Parliaments. I cross Westminster Bridge and think on Wordsworth’s Upon Westminster Bridge.
And I consider knocking on Downing Street to give Theresa May a piece of my mind.
But Big Ben’s chimes tell me it’s too late, baby, it’s too late. I have an urgent appointment with another wordsmith.
This article was first published in the Irish Daily Mail in November 2016.
And don’t you know I only got to see the next best thing to Carole, Jessie Mueller, who sang three songs from the musical only centimetres from the American Travel Fair in Washington DC… https://jimmurtytraveltraveltravel.com/obama-washington-dc/.
Jump in: Lake Geneva
