And at Mt Nebo where Moses looked out onto a Promised Land he would never be allowed to enter because he’d had a tiff with God.
Lord, I am heartily sorry… and a favour about that Royal Caribbean cruise to Israel.
An Italian teaser
Venice: And let’s catch a gondola back to Padova
And another oasis… a glimpse of the city on the lagoon, Venice, from down water on the River Brenta.
When I visited neighbouring Padova which has its charms too with one of the oldest universities in the world and Giotto’s fresco which inspired a certain Michelangelo.
Our own Le Boat
Venice and its environs have been refreshed by the lockdown and have never been more beautiful.
And of course the best way to see this region is on the water. Try Le Boat, your private craft which sleeps four to ten and where you get your own sundeck.
Venice is a given, but why not head to Trieste too where you will see what seduced James Joyce of all people.
A tavola pronto: Dinner on the water in Italy
While go the other way to the south and enjoy the nature of the Po Delta and the colourful villages.
A seven-night self-catered cruise, started and finished at Le Boat’s base at Casale, on board the Caprice, sleeping up to six, arriving September 19.
Priced from £1429 per boat/£238pp. Transport to and from the base is not included. Le Boat (023 9280 9124).
A sweltering hot summer in Boston after Aberdeen University, three jobs, and a thirst on me like a blindfolded man in the desert.
And a party of office workers unwinding in Quincy Market with a jug of Strawberry Daiquiri.
I was in… and from that moment the slushy, ruby-red rum cocktail has always ben my go-to.
It doesn’t have to be a cruise ship although here I am again…
I know where I’ll put this
I’ll bring you more Jocktails from around the world as I go but here’s the recipe.
And you might be surprised to hear that I’m the one who makes them around Casa Bandana while the Scary One is the one who devours them.
Strawberry Daiquiri
Zesty flavour
5 cracked ice cubes
1 measure of white rum
A half measure of strawberry liqueur.
A quarter measure of lime cordial
Garnish with a strawberry.
Jocktail tip: Stick some strawberries in the blender too for extra fruitiness.
Method: put the rum, strawbs and lime liqueur into the blender for 30 seconds. Pour into a margarita glass with the cracked ice in it and decorate with a slice of strawberry. Oh, go on, stick in a cocktail brolly and stick with a couple of maraschino cherries on it.
I am, of course, self-censoring here and won’t be bringing you pictures of myself sticking dollar bills into the male dancer’s trunks on the podiums.
Frockie and Jocky in the Rockies
But I like the girls:With the Bandanettes at Denver’s Mile High Stadium
I climbed on to the pedestal myself when they were off on my break but with my body… all I got were nickels and dimes.
I was back for more in Denver http://www.denver.orghttp://Go West where myself and the multi award-winning and shots-drinking Isabel Conway and Portland’s finest Laura Guilmond formed the rock trio to beat all trios.
With rubber mics and guitars. And a warning here… there was sax too.
And then Anaheim where at last my man has come along… the jazz and old standards singer in the side bar to the main dance floor.
Lying with Mari
And I also managed to fit in a European Pride too in Barcelona before I went cruising… Steady I was a guest of Royal Caribbean and hopped on their ship for a bit of surfing.
That’s why it’s called the Strip
With Cami in Vegas
Now my friends in America where I should be now, Las Vegas to be more precise http://www.lvcva.comStrip… the light fantastic and already have Florida from just after the lockdown under my belt have been in touch.
And they have put more flesh on the bones of Virtual Pride from these great American cities.
Dogs in Drag, you say
Denver PrideFest, June 20-21 – Colorado: It is recognised as one of the top ten Pride events in the US, and I can believe that of Denver PrideFest.
It is a free, two-day festival that (usually) takes place in Denver’s Civic Center Park with the pick-out the Dogs in Drag Parade.
While there is also a Gay Pride Parade and a Big Gay 5K.
This year’s virtual event will include digital versions of the parade, 5Ks, concerts, dance parties and more. www.colorado.com
Say it big
Frothy Seattle
Flag day
2020 Seattle Pride Parade and Trans Pride Celebrations, 26-28 June – Washington: Seattle Pride is working with PrideFest and Trans Pride to put on the best show they can in late summer. Keep up-to-date here for the June Virtual spectacular. www.visitseattle.org
Man Diego
The bras and stripes
San Diego Pride, 11-18 Juy – California: And this way your Pride fun can go on and on.
San Diego Pride runs across a week in July with a burst of activities. Using the #TogetherWeRise, She Fest launches it all off recognising the talents and contributions of women, followed by Light Up the Cathedral with a ceremonial rainbow lighting.
As CSW Executive Director Madonna Cacciatore said: ‘Pride is not just about a specific month or weekend in June. Los Angeles’ LGBTQ+ community lives and breathes Pride every day’ and therefore, celebrations will span through to 2021. www.visitwesthollywood.com
He’s everywhere – in every shop window, on the backs of every family of tourists or parading his skills before 100,000 worshippers at the Cathedral of Sport, the Camp Nou.
Only on the day I visited the Spanish city, he’s not.
The ubiquitous Lionel Messi is back in his native South America on International duty playing for Argentina rather than curling in free-kicks for his adopted Barca.
Barcelona has a vacancy for a sporting hero then…
And I’m thinking if I nail it I might just get my name on the back of the football top that big fluffy bear is wearing.
He’s sitting in a sports car on the shopping area of a cruise ship in port at the foot of La Rambla.
Such are the trappings of fame… and I want some of it.
And I have the chance.
To walk on water on Royal Caribbean International’s Oasis of the Seas’ surf simulator FlowRider.
And I only have the best in the business to get me up to speed, Irish surfing superstar Gearoid McDaid.
We’re lucky to have Gearoid here, his feet rarely touch the ground.
Gearoid is not ling back from a couple of months surfing in Chile, was in Indonesia before that and is on his way to Portugal.
Gearoid is not what I expect though, no man bun, goatee beard, tattoo sleeve… just a regular Sligo boy.
Although he is pals with Kian Egan.
Thankfully there is one Fiftysomething who keeps up appearances with his bandana and windswept beard.
But boy can he surf… Gearoid, that is!
The simulator is on the 15th deck of the €1.4bn Oasis of the Seas cruise ship which is on its way to Majorca, France and then Italy…
With 6,300 passengers. enjoying five pools and numerous bats, restaurants and shows… and a park, ‘Central Park’ (you’ll forget you’re at sea).
But alas without us who’ll have to get off kicking and screaming before sail time, if they can find us hiding away down in the staff quarters.
The idea of the simulator which is 40ft long, is that a rush of water shoots out to build up the swell.
Which you then surf against.
It’s all in the knees, back and arms – and the trick is to sway and not panic.
Too late, the board went that way and the bandana and everything under it the other way.
It’s official. I don’t walk on water (but my family could tell you that). Maybe I’ll have better luck on my knees.
Eureka or ‘goooooal’ as Lionel Messi might shout.
I manage to master those waves in the prayer position on a boogie board with more than a little help from Mauritian teacher Kai.
Suddenly I feel indestructible. And here I was worried that I’d be caught with my shorts down.
And quite literally I almost was at half-mast.
I hadn’t pulled the cord tightly enough before the surfing class and the waves carried me away.
To be avoided – particularly if you’ve booked up for my next challenge, the 82ft Zip Line.
Nobody nine decks below on the Boardwalk wants to have Stars and Stripes boardie trunks land on them, believe me.
When they’re out shopping having an early-afternoon drink or are on their way to lunch.
Thankfully I can’t do much damage in the Spanish restaurant, other than embarrass myself and my party by getting my maracas out (steady!)
Well, once in we weighed into the plates and plates of tapas and a big jug of sangria (when in Spain).
Fuelled with patatas and shrimp al ajillo we swagger off the ship, only taking time to pass by an eight-year-old boy twisting and turning on the other simulator..
And onto the famous La Rambla shopping and market thoroughfare.
Christopher Columbus is still there where I remember him from the last time I visited Barcelona 15 years ago.
And drew back the curtains of my balcony cabin.
He is proudly guarding the city and pointing out to sea.
To be fair, the arm is right, though I’d maybe bend the elbow and those legs are way too straight.
Sorry, Chris, but you’d be no use on a surfboard either.
TRAVEL FACTS
The deal: Sail the Western Mediterranean for seven nights on Oasis of the Seas from €1049pp based on two sharing, departing Barcelona. Visit Palma, Marseille, Florence/Pisa, Rome (Civitavecchia), Napless and arrive back at Barcelona. www.royalcaribbean.ie. Flights not included.
Where to stay in Barcelona: Hotel Concordia www.hotelconcordiabarcelona.com is a central hub and has a rooftop pool that will tempt you to linger. Pride was on when we visited and the neighbourhood was jumping. €135 per room per night.
Javelins have their place… partly because of bonkers Tessa Sanderson who I interviewed in my first job and the force of nature that is Fatima Whitbread.
They could make it even better if they were to time it to when the long-distance runners were on the track.
Long jump? Nothing exciting has happened since Bob Beamon jumped out of the pit.
And high jump? Since Dick Fosbury flopped over the bar in the Sixties.
I was a more attractive proposition than the previous candidate for the spare room in the girls’ Belfast home – I promised to keep my clothes on.
The guy before me was a naturist.
The thing is that naturism depends on everybody being in on it,
Now there is every type of cruise on the planet so you won’t be surprised to hear that there is one as well for naturists… https://cruisebare.com.
I‘m breathing in: On board Oasis of the Seas
Though I was and am indebted to my friends at Lonely Planet http://www.lonelyplanet.com for putting me onto this.
Not that I’m going to suggest it to The Scary One.
Although it does look as if it has a plus side in that you never have to worry about getting into your penguin suit or cocktail dress to sit at the captain’s table.
I’m not even going to ask if that’s a thing on this cruise ship.
I usually like to keep my clothes on when I go cruising.
As you’ll all know by now I spent a thoroughly enjoyable few days walking, talking, swallowing and swallying in Tenerife with www.CanariaWays.com.
And I will be compiling it all in a grown-up article.
Tenerife calling
However you get there, get to Tenerife.
TUI is offering Marella Cruises on the Explorer, inside cabin, all-inclusive seven nights from €995pps. http://www.tui.ie.
It just clicks
Now Click&Go http://www.clickandgo.com are a mighty fine holiday provider and will feel genuinely proud of picking up their Best Cruise performance for Rest of the World from Royal Caribbean at an awards ceremony in Waterford.
But there’s no point in me being modest. I’m thinking that my performance at a particular Karaoke bar of Chuck Berry’s Memphis, Tennessee would surely deserve at least joint billing.
